am still on the fence of whether i should go tomorrow or not.
i don't want to go for 2 reason - i don't feel like being around them and because i have noticed that the last few weeks every time h and i were with the in-laws he absolutely couldn't handle it - he was so tense and freaked out.
so my not being there would be letting him off the hook, in a way. ont the other hand - my not being there - is the old me (especially coming on the tail of ow's visit - i've set boundaries, been a bit impatient - i think they are signs of my disapproval - and not going on father's day is like a clear message saying 'i don't acknowledge you on fathers day)
at the risk of overanalyzing (yes, i know labug, i tend to do that too much)- going - is showing co-operation and acceptance - to all of them. he did come to the mother's day dinner at their house, and i feel as if , even though i don't really want to go, i should sort of return the favor
i'm not freaking out about it at all - just quietly trying to figure out what to do. is this the right area to "withdraw" in - i just don't know
when i talked to s tonight on the phone, i joked about when i was going to see him next - and he stayed really silent. i had reminded him to take his father's day present for h and fil in the morning with him . i think he wanted to ask me if i was going to be there (which would have been the normal thing to do - since i've been going to all the family stuff) but there was a long pause, as if he didn't want to ask. i didn't volunteer the info, because i didn't know what i was going to do.
i still struggle a bit with how he switches off from the parent who he's not with. when he's here with me, he acts as if h doesn't exist and i think he does the same about me when he's with h. poor little fellow - it must be his only way to cope through this.
thanks for your input brit
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
