Crimson, hate to say this but another problem with "I understand" is that it makes it about you or you two.
It is a tad self centered. She is complaining about HER hard time. She's not interested,
nor does she believe that YOU are in there with her. It's about how SHE feels then, not how you feel. Listen to her. Don't "fix" it. Fixing it is a turn off b/c it's like what you are really saying is "stop talking about it b/c I suggested something and now let's move on"
Which I KNOW you do not mean.
SIDENOTE When I say something went wrong in my day, I almost always want my h simply to listen and validate. maybe give me a hug or back rub.
I DO NOT want him to tell me what to do unless I ask him.
So when my h says "oh that 'problem'? Well, just do A and B, and it'll be fine" what I hear him saying is "okay so now shut up about that 'problem' b/c I fixed it with my suggestion and what else is there to do or say?"...
ANYHOW
it's also possible your w feels an element of guilt (already), for causing this situation for her, her son and you. YOU would not understand that b/c you did not file...we can HOPE this is what she meant or feels somewhere in there and may not even know...but
SOMETIMES that guilt converts into anger/attack...so don't try to pile it on. Do not "probe" for WHY she might feel bad...it'll be seen as either pursuit or an attempt to manipulate her...or both.
While A little guilt can gently remind a WAS that their choice wasn't so hot and might need re-examination
too much, or any coming from you, will usually backfire. She'll feel overwhelemed, and most parents,
esp mothers (Sorry if I'm being sexist...I am not sexist UNLESS it's convenient )
but moms who feel guilt, FEEL it...so if you add on to it with ANY indication that "of course she feels guilt, she should",
she'll blame you in a heartbeat. It's just too much to cope with for most moms. They end up numbing themselves in some unhealthy ways.
Check out the stats on mothers who file/leave the marriage, absent abuse. It's worse for those who leave their kids too...and your wife has lost time w/him.
IF their ex h's are good guys, they nearly always second guess their choice. How can they not?
If you stay on course, I truly believe time is on your side.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
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