I'm annoyed.... less than I was, but still annoyed, heck I guess that is even the right word. I don't know. I don't think jealous is, because I'm not, maybe disappointed.... definitely annoyed. Here's what my issue is..... and I may have brought it on myself for looking on FB (I do NOT have a facebook account, was on a friends), so probably a bad idea, I don't even know what compelled me to do it... but something did... I looked at H's sisters page, I know she's getting divorced and has a BF..... well.... apparently she's pregnant. Devastating. I had a meltdown. I shouldn't have, it doesn't affect me. I'm just sad/pissed/thinking WTF and REALLY???? Several friends let me vent and well, I really did see this coming. She is so in love with the idea of having a baby I think she got pregnant from the BF on purpose (he has teenage children from what I understand), and is apparently no longer in the picture. Before she got married she was so in love with the idea of being married, ended up marrying a crackhead (no lie, and she knew, everyone knew, that's why WE didn't attend the wedding). WTF is wrong with people??? I'm sure her mother is just shitting kittens she's so happy... her first grandchild... blah blah blah..... then I thought it's probably best I found out this way instead of when H eventually decides to tell me. I'm sure he has to know. Which could be why H's become so paranoid about me somehow accidentally and quite mystically (PCOS, duh!!!) getting pregnant..... puzzle pieces are starting to aline. Well at least this way when he tells me I can just be like whatever. Anyway, it's just sad really, and that poor child is going to be so F---ed up! Born into a family of crazy!
I keep telling myself God has a plan.... God has a plan.... so far I'm really freaking disliking, in fact hating his plan.... but I will be patient and wait (Psalms 37:7)..... waiting.... I'm quite good at.... patience has always been something I've been good at..... detaching, I've been getting better and better....GAL, no problem....I have not mastered lack of children disappointment yet.... something to work on in counseling I suppose.
