Well, two weeks ago she asked me if everything was OK between me and W, I lied and said sure, why do you think that? and her reply was "I just had a feeling".
Originally Posted By: dscl
I'm trying to protect my mom, not sure if she can take more bad news since my brother died only a year ago or so
(the above is paraphrased btw)
1) Do you see how your intention, as good as it may be, is controlling? That you are trying to manage your mom's emotions for her? Part of your nature
2) Mom may already "knows" what is up at some point -- mother's intuition. Being dishonest with her and not connecting with her about it is not likely to help. You don't know, she may feel in a better place if she feels she is able to be supportive for her remaining son. To be there for you. Really can't predict how it will be for her emotionally. Don't try to predict it or manage it for her. Let her manage it herself.
3) One of the things about setting and enforcing boundaries is being honest with yourself and valuing that. Do you also value honesty in relationships with others? In others being honest with you in their relationship with you?
Were you able to read the stuff I posted in my garbled quoted message further up about love languages? Have you read that book? What do you think your W's love languages are?
Re: your W not calling/being around yesterday. Yes, this is a process. It will take time. That sense of urgency you have about things turning around and getting fixed (and that may influence other parts of your life), take a deep breath. It took months or years for your W to get where she is and for you to get where you are. It will take some time to play out.
It is time to GAL.
Point 1:
It is, and I see it, I have a IC appt. on Tuesday, will wait after that to have the talk with my mother, need a couple of days in between the talk with W and talk with mom.
Point 2:
True I think she knows "something" is going on, but I don't think she has an idea how bad it is.
Point 3: Was able to read it, have not read the book, but will add it onto my list.
For as GAL:
Slowly I'm getting there. Just came from the gym on a saturday no less. I guess this could be seen as a GAL and 180. The W loved going to the gym, she would beg me to go with her and I would say no i'm watching TV.
God it hurts to see these things in hindsight.
I still do not accepted the blame for her choice to have the A, but looking back there was so much I could have done different .
M-41 W-41 D-7 M- 10yrs I still love you, but 4-25-12 Think she might have EA/PA 5-17-12 Confirmed PA 6-9-12
