Hi rooftop, just wanted to say my XH did the same thing after leaving. Gee all the sudden the clouds parted, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. He did tell me he felt happier and healthier by himself, but was painfully lonely. A few weeks later, enter OW, whom I think he's been having an EA with for 6 years or more.
Oh and yes...he wanted to be best friends, and it drove me insane. I could not undertand how this person could spew such nasty venom towards me then turn right around and act like it never happened and text me till the cows come home. Talking about everything under the sun..talking like we never really had before. It gave me false hope. So I called him out on it. His response? " Im sorry I never broke up with anyone before. I thought that's what you did when you were friends with someone. You acted friendly". And just like that I was reduced from wife to a good aquaintence.
Within the last 14 months he moved out, filed for divorce, moved in OW 2 months after leaving, I got an attorney, and we are now divorced. And in the last 14 months this is what Ive seen happen to him:
Life has hit him very hard due to the REALITY of divorce and the reality of his choices. His finances are horrible, he doesn't see his kids as much as he wants, his kids don't want to spend anymore time with him than necessary, his kids hate the OW, he owes the IRS money for not claiming a significant amount of money he hid from me and the IRS, the person he wanted to keep in his life regardless of divorce (me) won't have anything more to do with him than absolutely necessary, and his wonderful OW wouldn't get a job and free loaded off him for almost a year. His back problems have returned along with his migraines....which I know as his EX WIFE, it physically manifests in him when mentally it's getting pretty tough.
Is he depressed? I have no idea he doesn't really act like it according to the kids, but then again I don't see him or talk to him anymore. When the kids are with him and OW... OW keeps her distance and it's all about him and the girls. This has been going on for 6 months now. Figured OW would be making an attempt to connect with them by now, but she doesn't. He's the master of covering up real issues, running, putting his head in the sand and detatching from anything at the drop of a hat if it bothers him. I hardly have any contact with mutual friends/his family and when I do see them I don't ask and they don't tell.
So....realistically life always finds a way to make it very real in a person's life, just as it's done to us LBS's. I think when these MLCers decide they're leaving, they really paint a fantasy in their minds, and the truly believe that fantasy will stay true to the end. I think at the beginning, for them part of the fantasy is true, which is just feeling free and therefore more empowered. Because they feel good, they don't understand why everyone else feels so bad, nor do they truly GRASP the concept of how betrayed and hurt everyone is. In their minds they chalk it up to " oh the kids will adjust. Everyone else will just get used to it and accept it. They'll move on and be ok".
To me that's their justification for their choices. Really not being able to step outside their immediaite circle, and look at both sides of the coin. How their actions affect our reactions, and vice versa.
