Lost

[bustorama]

Well, two weeks ago she asked me if everything was OK between me and W, I lied and said sure, why do you think that? and her reply was "I just had a feeling".

I'm trying to protect my mom, not sure if she can take more bad news since my brother died only a year ago or so

(the above is paraphrased btw)

1) Do you see how your intention, as good as it may be, is controlling? That you are trying to manage your mom's emotions for her? Part of your nature

2) Mom may already "knows" what is up at some point -- mother's intuition. Being dishonest with her and not connecting with her about it is not likely to help. You don't know, she may feel in a better place if she feels she is able to be supportive for her remaining son. To be there for you. Really can't predict how it will be for her emotionally. Don't try to predict it or manage it for her. Let her manage it herself.

3) One of the things about setting and enforcing boundaries is being honest with yourself and valuing that. Do you also value honesty in relationships with others? In others being honest with you in their relationship with you?

Were you able to read the stuff I posted in my garbled quoted message further up about love languages? Have you read that book? What do you think your W's love languages are?

Re: your W not calling/being around yesterday. Yes, this is a process. It will take time. That sense of urgency you have about things turning around and getting fixed (and that may influence other parts of your life), take a deep breath. It took months or years for your W to get where she is and for you to get where you are. It will take some time to play out.

It is time to GAL.