Haven't been on the BB for the last 3 weeks. Wish i can say i've been busy but i've just been drifting along, sinking further into debt and depression.
Anyway, here's what I've been up to:
On the H front: As i said in my last post, H tried to call me a few times in late May. He also made an appointment with the childminder to see DD, but didn't turn up. he tried to call me a few times on 25th may, then sent me a text saying "respond quickly, need to talk". i never picked up or replied. I think i'm at the 'after the last resort stage'. I am not prepared to communicate with him while he is not being a father to DD (physically or financially). his last communication 3 weeks ago was a voicemail he sent by accident. his phone called me (probably accidental redial) when he was telling a friend how he went to a bar the night before and snogged a girl and tried to pick up another one. he realised he called me and cut it quickly. haven't heard from him since. it's a pity that at the age of 33, his focus is picking up girls. if he is still with ow, he's not being faithful to her either.
I contacted our old landlord cos i needed to post something to H (a phone he gave me), so i wanted to confirm if he was still living there. The landlord told me he'd moved out 2 months ago. So i have no idea where H lives now. i do miss him, but i miss the person i thot he was, not who he is now.
On the GAL front: I took DD to see a farm two weeks ago, a couple of my friends (including my estranged best friend) also brought their kids that was fun.
My other estranged best friend took me out for a belated bday celebration (my bday was quiet and a bit depressing. it was a friday and i took the day off and stayed home). My belated bday with my friend was nice, tho i haven't heard from her since or called her.
So i've seen my two estranged friends recently but things are still a bit weird with them.
Haven't been out since (except for work). Don't really have anyone to go with. One of my friends' has two kids, so is always busy (she doesn't like going out anyway), and the other one lives outside london.
I keep telling myself i'll go out by myself to make new friends, but i'm not very motivated. I need to update my wardrobe. Also my mum is coming to visit for 6 weeks in late July, so i'll be able to go out then. She is taking DD back with her for a year to give me some time to regroup (haven't told H, not sure how he'd react). i feel depressed about sending DD out of the country, but i am basically borrowing to pay for childcare and food, as my salary only covers the bills and debt payments.
i feel so depressed today, hence my moany post. the future seems really dark, and i don't see any way out...
Me 33, H 34 T 15 (on and off, 7 years this stretch) M 4 DD 3 OW July 2010, IDLY - Oct 2010
1st sep 28/5/11-14/8/11 (my idea) OW confirmed 25/11/11 (H travelled with OW 26/11/11) I moved out 3/12/11
