When it's a one-way street...part 7

[Tinman]

Hi Crazyville,
I have not read your whole stich but the deck debacle kind of struck a chord with me.
If I read right you are the WAW. Hope I did not screw that up! Anyway, you say that he is not trying to work on the marriage but when I hear what he did on the deck it sounds like some bad move I might do hoping to please the one I love. You were working on something and in his mind you asked for his help and he rushed to your rescue hoping to show you how capable he is. Maybe he just does not know how to give you what you need.
In my first marriage (thank god that one ended!) I did a few similar things. We purchased an old home together that had been remodeled. One long weekend my ex-W went off and left me home all alone. I had just read an article about how some of these old houses had these wonderful oak floors covered by carpet. So I checked under and there it was. So I proceeded to pull the carpet out of the front dining area and tried to refinish the floor. I thought this would really win me some points and show her what kind of man I was. Well when she walked in the door Sunday night and I was still sanding down the floors I had my ars handed to me. I finished it the following weekend and it was beautiful but I had the best of intentions and she had no patients for it. Yes I should have talked to her about it but hey I am a guy….
After my current W told me that things were over I pleaded for another chance and she told me that she had been trying to tell me for months about problems and I did nothing to address them. She asked about going to see a MC once and I said sure but she did not bring it up again so I thought we were fine. I did not hear her or did not listen to what she was trying to say until it was too late.
After we separated I read the 5 languages and the clouds parted and the sun came out and I realized what and idiot I was. I was doing all the wrong things to show her I loved her. She wanted my time and my attention most of all and I was so busy I missed it, I did not get it.
So anyway it might be a good idea to somehow let H know what your love language is so he can focus on what is important to you.
Also, I get that some advice on here can come across harsh sometimes but even if it is hard to hear it is worth trying to understand why a complete stranger might offer such advice. What is the saying perception is reality. I would love to have someone tell me where I can improve myself rather than just telling me something I want to hear. This is just my opinion and if anyone wants to hop over to my stich and tell me how I can be a better person I would be very grateful!