Crimson....just checkin' in.

[2thepoint]

Then I started thinking it's amazing she can say awfully mean things about/to me - but I am the first person she turns to and expects me to leave work early to help her out. I felt it was the right thing to do - but that thought grinds in the back of my head.

Crimson - this is not unique. My W is exactly the same way. Exactly! She kicked me to the curb and then she got very sick. Who did she call? Me! Last week she ran a red light and t-boned another car and did $10,000 worth of damage to her car and who knows about the other car. Who did she call? Me! I was in class all week and she was home with the kids and was clearly getting tired and so who does she ask/order to help out and rescue her? Me!

This is the same woman who back in September said I never took care of the kids, treated her poorly, was controlling, was selfish, we were incompatible after 18 years of marriage, etc. At the time, I believed her, every word of it. That is, until I started working on myself. Then I realized these were only excuses to justify and rationalize her decision to bail on the M. That's not to say she didn't have a point in some cases but the way she put it, I was evil incarnate.

Then it started. Her walls broke and I could hear the stress in her voice. I asked if she was OK. Choking back tears she said "it's just been a rough day". She opened up a little more as the tears started to come out and said while crying "I just get angry that this is my life now". I said "I understand". She quickly replied "No, I don't think you do". Not in a mean way...she just....said it.

I know that this was your attempt at validation but you see how she reacted; not good. Better to have said something like, "I can see how having to face this must be difficult. It is hard for me too." Then see where that goes.

She pulled herself together enough to hug our S goodbye and asked me what I had planned for the weekend. I just said not sure....just need to keep S busy. Her mood was for sure down and I would imagine that when the door closed behind me more tears came.

I'll bet they did.

Seems like today was rough for her. What is she "angry" about?? For once, it was not anger directed at me. Was she insulted that I bought her dinner?

So much of me wanted to say "it doesn't have to be this way" - but I have learned that is not the right thing to do. It's her journey. Alone. I wanted to comfort her - hang around until she felt better - but I left.

Is this reality hitting her??

I'd say reality is definitely hitting her, square between the eyes. This may be where she begins to realize just where her life is headed and she is scared, and confused, and angry, etc. Best to just validate as best you can when appropriate, continue living your life and remember what Busto said: "they are attracted to our backs."