SD - DB'ing is about helping YOU improve yourself. Your H is not mentally in a stable place right now, so mood swings are to be expected. If I were you, I would ignore his tantrum. Go about your day without mentioning it. It sounds like he COULD be trying to get your attention (you cannot know for sure) so do not take the bait. The only person's emotions you can control is YOU.
"DBing isn't supposed to make them ANGRIER, is it?!?"
Let me put it to you this way. He's mad when you're there. He's mad when you're not. He's mad that you want to stay married. He's mad when you're around. But you THINK he's going to be mad when you're out.
He's going to be mad no matter what you do. But you know what? The anger is within himself. He's going to be mad but doesn't want to look inside. He thinks it's all coming from an external source and that source is you.
If he does get mad, you tell him straight up. "You say you don't want to be married. You say that you don't want me. So you have no right to be mad at me. You have alot of things to work out that are within yourself. I don't make you angry. YOU make yourself angry."
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
thats a good idea. i was told to wait 24-48 hrs before i start asking questions or having "chats". alot of times what i want to say i the moment changes with time. i dont do this as much as i should but am getting better. keep your head up.
SD: I didn't see this, but what does your H think about your male friend? You will do what you need to do, but I can only say from my perspective, I was not happy when H was at a female's house - no matter if they were *friends* or not. It doesn't send a good message to me personally. I also know when I had a male friend that H was silently jealous (which I found out later). You know your situation better.
Don't talk to him if it's going to make you emotional. It took me about 2 months for me to not cry/plead/beg, and now I can look at him and talk to him without me taking on his emotions. (It took me longer than it would have had I read the Codependent No More book earlier!)
Please get the Codependent No More book this weekend and read it and do the exercises! It was such an eye opener for me. Your posts sound so much like me in the beginning. Just breathe, line up your hobbies, start plans on going out to do them, and let him have a temper tantrum. You are not the cause of his emotions - and don't let him be the cause of yours. You can't fix it.
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba
Hey Lio, My husband has no idea whose house I was at. I know that he isn't particularly fond of this particular friend, but he doesn't know what I was anyway.
I went to the library to get the book today, and of course the library was closed.
My marriage counselor called because I wanted to see what I should do. He basically said that, since he clearly doesn't want to talk to me and is acting like this, I should hand-write a note and leave it for him and to ask him to list things that can make this easier for both of us. Like, how can we be civil if we're going to have to co-exist in the same apartment. I feel like this is pursuing though?!?
I then told the marriage counselor this and I mentioned MWD and he mentioned the see-saw thing. He said that maybe what I was doing was a good idea then. Thanks, Mr. Marriage counselor?
And no one is around to do anything tonight and I feel absolutely trapped.
