Thank KML, I read some of the celiac stuff. And had read before that the thyroid and heart are related. I know where the compounding pharmicist is because I used to go there with OW to get her Bio-Identical hormones..... One good thing, I guess?
Good to hear from you Brookie. I have enjoyed reading your stuff. Hawaii is a great place to visit. Living here is also nice.
MY favorite place I ever went, in the world, was Bali. And In Bali, Ubud was amazing. I'm not sure the average North American is ready for a trip like that, though. Probably best to warm up with a trip to Thailand.
T^2: I take 30-60 minutes every night and read some Buddhist book or another. I am reading "Shambhala, The Path of the Warrior" right now. I then turn off my light and ponder what I've read before I go to sleep. It is amazing how much I am learning.
Thanks Friends!
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I had a funny interaction with STBXH yesterday evening. I had some friends over to try an experimental indigo stitching prep class. It didn't work they way I wanted, they stayed late, my DIL and granddaughters showed up, then boths sons ans another friend. Mayhem! Which I love, but dinner got defrosted, but not cooked. So STBXH said lets go for Thai food.
On the way he asked did I have any money. I said yes, but if I gave him my cash I wouldn't have any. I asked didn't he have his own account now? (WHich his excuse for setting it up was so he didn't always have to come to me for money.) He said he couldn't get to an ATM. I told him I would take money out at the bank by the resturant. BUT that I thought he needed to figure out where the ATMs were!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Bali is amazing, and Ubud is real must on any list. I would love to go back, and intend to.
As to the weirdness. My xh forgot how to speak his second language during the early stages of MLC. I mean he couldn't string two sentences together in it, when he had been fluent.
Since OW's first language was his second language it did make me wonder a little. I only noticed because we had some friends round and he couldn't say anything grammatically - they noticed it and so did I. Also his vocabulary had gone . . . .
I will say now what they say in Bali: Ubud is a mood. Now you know how to say Ubud, it rhymes with mood. But under no circumstances go to the monkey forest.
Last night my STBXH was playing his silly games. He was messing with his phone and I asked him had OW and him made up. He told me that was his business. I reminded him that he had told me a week ago when she "Broke up" with him. And then I told him I don't understand why he does this stuff.
And he said I needed to know she was mad so I would be prepared for her to bombard me with texts and emails. And the next day he told me she had sent him tons of mean nasty emails and texts. I guess I only need to know when he doesn't have another soul in the world to talk to.
Anyway my anger was supreme. I am an idiot! I keep letting him suck me into his, and her, little games. My whole dating career, starting in 4th grade with the first boy who wanted to 'go steady' had never had the kind of childish drama being played out in front of me.
I dated several different guys. And even my most intense relationship broke up with very little fuss. (I told him to leave my house, I was 19, and I reminded him on his way out to take his weed eater with him....)
It is almost like my STBXH is loving all this fussing and fighting. Anyway...... Many smart people on here have told me what to do. And I keep trying to do it. And it is so hard.
But right now, this minute, I have much strength. I have been reading abut a Hindu goddess from their mythology. Her name is Akhilandeshvari. It means female goddess who is never not broken. She is always broken, and while broken is looking inside at all the broken parts and is stronger for being able to see inside and reinvent herself for the next part of her life.
But she is still always broken and able to gain strength and do it again. And she rides a crocodile, which kills its prey by snatching it off the river banks and spinning it to utter confusion. She and the crocodile are also sometimes described as being prisim like. Taking light and changing it into something different, more beautiful, a spectrum of colors.
So as I am going through this process I am feeling the never not broken part. And I am finding strength in it.
And yesterday I thought about the fact that I am clutching a measely little crust, when life is trying to hand me a lovely ham sandwich.
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
So just now absolutely more crazy behaviour. Evidently STBXH needed to make a phone call. But instead of coming out of his bedroom and showing any signs he is awake he snuck ouit of the house and climbed the hill behind our house.
I was wondering why he was sleeping in so long, and I was sneeking around being quiet. i was out moving boxes into my sewing eroom and he came down the stairs from the upper yard/MIL quarters and scared the crap out of me.
Then he makes this elaborate pretense of telling me he went on an early morning hike to loosen up his back. Yes, sure in his flip flops and no breakfast? The man NEVER skips breakfast. I blew my lid. Like I haven't done since one of my boys cut the back of a new leather sofa......
I told him how rude it was to sneek out, that if he wanted to go make a phone call, then to just do it, but to just no longer act so darn childish.
I told him he needs to never again talk to me about OW. I told him how low class I feel he is behaving. And I told him to start buying his own bananas, get his own lunch money out of the bank and to make his own dinner.
In a few hours, after I finish packing up my sewing room, I'm headed out and I don't know when I'm coming back. I might take my sleeping bag, my tent and go over to my favorite beach and see if there is a camping spot open. I am sick of him and his crap. Heck, I might sleep on the boat.
I asked both sons to try to plan something with their dad for Fathers Day. Well, they neither one want to spend time with him. Make me sad.
Anyway, my broken parts need some reflection right now. I need to go out and be alone.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Imagine for a moment, that the reason he snuck out for his phone call was because it was deteriorating into another wacko argument with OW. And he didn't want to have that fight around you. And imagine he was walking back down the hill thinking what a whack job OW is. And imagine if he had encountered a you that was pleasant and welcoming? Versus a you that was also flipping her lid?
I'm not saying you weren't justified - it's incredibly rude for him to be carrying on like this in front of you.
But I'm just pointing out that sticking to the high road allows them to see the contrast between you and the OW.
But under no circumstances go to the monkey forest.
huh? I had a a very uhmmm ... "spiritual" night in the Monkey Forest at Ubud a couple of months ago - I probably wouldn't tell my mum about it, but what's the problem with that area?
I'm on a whole Bali thing at the moment, it's currently about 1/4 of the price to fly from where I am in Aus to Bali compared to my home city in Australia (and only 3 hr flight compared to 5) - so I've been going up every other month - I'm actually thinking about living there for a while - I'm completely fantasising about a little house in the middle of a rice paddy, a little way out of Ubud or even a bit closer to Denpasar ... a motor scooter, a yoga teacher, a meditation master .....
Do you know I think the most difficult part of the journey to personal development is that when you get through all the pain and you really look at your life and what's possible - you realise that ANYTHING is possible for your life - and the difficult choices become about "what should I select in this gorgeous cornucopia of life" - and the choices are what become difficult - but oh so wonderful. xxx
V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
