SD, you really need to stop living in his head. You won't be able to figure it out. You will go crazy.

Concentrate on you and what you're doing.

Did you get the book Codependent No More?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss