Yesterday I texted wife in the afternoon asking how her day was going. She said pretty good and would be home to take S12 to baseball game. I was working out when she got here so she just took him and left. I brought the rest of the family to the game and she wasn't there (but S12 was, so that's good). After a couple of calls, she tells me she had to go to work (which I believe, because I heard her partner in the background), but would be at the game at 7. At 8pm, we're on our way home and she calls "is the game over?" Uh, yeah...they only play 145...we've been doing baseball games for 10 years...kind of a dumb question. No sorry, no explanation, no nothing except an offer to pick up food. I told her not to worry about it, we'd grab something on the way home. She seemed to want to do it, I guess to make up for missing the game, but I didn't think it made sense since it'd get cold before we got home.
When we got home, she had showered and was on the phone with work (man she has an EA with). She didn't finish to after 10pm....2 friggin hours. This was a serious test for me...I wanted to listen in, I wanted to fuss about it, I wanted her to spend some time with me and the family. But instead, I just went to bed, shut the door and stuck my head in The Five Love Languages for 2 hours. When she came to bed, she asked me a few questions, I was short with her and continued to read. A few mins later I just turned off the light and went to sleep.
This was really tough, as I was thinking DB the whole time. At first, I thought I should try to be upbeat and positive when she finally came to bed, as that would be a serious 180, but instead, I decided I'd just be into my own thing and not be particularly friendly. I guess I thought if I was upbeat, it'd be a sort of approval for her behavior, and I wasn't willing to give it. Again, she didn't say sorry or anything....she just acted like it was fine. I don't think it is fine....missing the game was one thing, but spending all night on the phone was not cool.
I'm kinda lost because I really don't know how I should be behaving. I really just sort of started detaching, but she has asked me 5 times if I'm mad or what's wrong with me. I think it's pretty obvious, but I just say nothing, I'm fine.
On the bright side, I came to the realization that my love language is quality time. I get so frustrated by her giving her time to others and not saving any for me or the kids. Next agenda, figure out what her love language is. You'd think I'd know after 25 years of knowing her, but I'm really not sure...guess that's why we're where we are.
