One step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

[reachingHigher]

I keep "messing up" too. I just tell myself I get another day, another chance to DB. And...we are doing a lot of right things, too!

My boys are older than yours so I can leave them alone, but H only visits us. I have our boys 100% of the time. I'm coming to feel like GAL can also be attitude, too. Like even if you are at home you can be dong things differently. Thinking differently. It's soooooo difficult, I know.

I'm really scared H will fall in love with someone else, too. It's really hard to not worry.

Unbidden, is it okay I thought the Miss Piggy thing was funny?

[shockeddad]

I have done the same thing, it's not the death. Some GAL can be done with your kids. I think that GALing with the kids is helping things in my stich. Some one on her said that a way to your heart is thru your kids. A women loves to see kids happy with thier father.

[Fightfire00]

thanks for the support... I called and texted her an apology... told her I'm sorry for checking on her, that it's no longer my job, I'm just not thinking clearly and I didn't think it through before I did it... asked for her forgiveness and told her I would leave her alone...

and now the woman that I had the PA with and have a daughter with found out W moved out and is threatening to cut off contact because she is sure that they are the problem... so now I've lost not only my W but my D...

I'm coming apart at the seams... had a terrible dream last night that W took everything from me and laughed about it... was not pleasant..

hoping that taking boys to movie today will help.. will see...

[shockeddad]

NO woman is unmoved by seeing the loving interactions of her children, with their father. Credit 25yearsmlc

She has given me a lot of good advice. This piece is really working I think. I can she the W smiling more when I play with the kids.

[Fightfire00]

I spend as much time with them as I can... and call to check on them every night I'm not with them... therapist told me that I need to treat this like a reboot... first become friends with W, then in 5-6 months ask for a date, date, get engaged and renew vows... what scares me is that I can do everything perfectly and this still not bring my W home... I'm trying so hard... maybe trying too hard... I don't know...

how do you become friends with someone that says they want to be your friend but doesn't want much contact..? we talk and interact fine as long as there is no R talk... laugh, tell jokes ask about each others day... I'm praying for strength, peace and her change of heart every day... I believe that we have been through too many storms for us to walk away now...

thank you all for your support... have faith, be good and stay safe...

[shockeddad]

Well just remember that you don't want to push, which I did. All that did was drive her away even more. I have gotten more response from her by just backing of and detaching. Not to the point where she wants to have dinner or do something together, but able to talk a little without feeling wierd. Plus she is asking people about me. Like they say, she didn't come to this point over night and it's not going to be fixed over night. That's the hard thing I had to learn.

[Fightfire00]

W didn't come to movie or to diner... thought since she was free she would want to see the boys since she hasn't since yesterday morning... guess I was wrong.. I would have wanted to... just another thing pointing to the fact that she's dealing with her own issues, maybe... she called just a few minutes ago, I thought to talk to the boys before she went to work, but instead talked to me for 10 minutes... asked about our day.. told me about hers... I was happy and upbeat with her told her about the movie we saw... maybe I CAN be her friend... we'll see...

[Fightfire00]

and now the hard time... the quiet times when the boys are in the bed and I'm here alone with my thoughts... boy these are the worst times... TV doesn't interest me anymore... cleaned kitchen, did dishes picked up toys... on the good side boys and I had a great two days together... pool party, movie, playing games together... been lots of fun... they help me keep focused, but when they are sleeping, my mind goes crazy with wonder/worry... off to read some of the bible, pray and go to bed...

[reachingHigher]

I'm so sorry you feel so bad.

I hate the nights too. It used to be such a great feeling when everything is done for the day, boys are asleep, and you can relax.

Now I start feeling a little anxious when the sun starts to go down.

I just use my time reading and try not to go to bed early.

It's great you can obtain comfort from prayer and the Bible.

[Fightfire00]

the ONE good thing that has come out of all of this, reaching, is my faith in God and his works has become so very much stronger... I talk to him every day... I believe in Him and His Will be done... I pray that it includes my W, but I know His plan for me will be awesome, even though I know it may not be my plan... have faith, be good and stay safe...