Lost

[Vorlon]

dscl,

You set your boundries. Great!! It was the first step in taking control of your life, your feelings and your future.

Now it is the time for you to truely get your life going forward. That means GAL activities designed to benifit you and your daughter. This will include the legal side of things as well: She has abandoned you, the marriage, the house and her child. This needs so to be documented.

If/when it goes to court you will need everything documented to protect your rights as a parent and primary caregiver. If you do not methodically document and have evidence you willl likely get raped in court. Men mistakenly believe they are on equal footing in the courts. These actions are not to be used as a club or manipulative tool on your wife. In fact I wouldn't even tell her about it. They are for you and your daughter only and used only when you need to. You will know when its time to use it. Remember this is not the wife you married. She is the alien and will be counseled by an attorney who is out to win for his client. Not the once loving person you married.

Depending on your state i.e. no fault divorce states it may not matter about the adultery. But make sure you know your legal rights. This is all for your protection and planning. It may not be needed but its better to be prepared rather than getting caught saying ...she would never do that to me...I can't believe she lied to the court, blah, blah, blah. It happens all the time my friend so get your head on straight.

Be calm and rational. Be focused on what is best for you and your daughter. You can do this. You can handle this and be much better for it in the long run. Your wife is an adult and has made her choices. Let her live with them. Do not weaken and think you can save her. She will not apprecieate it and in fact would probably resent you for it. Women respect strength. Women need to know you mean what you say and say what you mean. A woman can only love a man she respects. You earn respect by consistency of action, strength of purpose and unwavering resolve.

Look at this as independence day for you. You are finaly free to make the right decsions for you and your daughter unencombered by fear of what your wife thinks, wants or feels. Not your job anymore. Congratulations on taking a heathly step forward. Your journey is a long one but it begins with the first step. You can do this. You will be happy again.

Vorlon