Needing some guidance... 4

[jks]

So...does that mean a lot of our missing them is the whole package? Or is that what love for another person really is?

I think that's what love for another person really is. Not every person has to be amazing looking and ridiculously charismatic, but when you dig deeper and find those little things that just make someone extremely special and find yourself drawn to those things, it's hard to see them any other way but to love them. That's why detaching seems impossible (at least, to me, sometimes) because there is no one in the world like them.

It's not easy to find love. I mean true love. I will always be grateful to H for allowing me to know how it feels to be truly in love. That is a gift I will take from our R.

I know it's not impossible to find love again and I'm constantly on the fence whether I should start to put my focus towards dating. It's hard to look towards the future and feel like I could be in this limbo stage for a LONG time. However, the thing that keeps drawing me back to sticking it through is knowing that it feels right. I love myself more. I want this girl that I am now to be with the man that I fell in love with 10 years ago.

I want the opportunity to go through our mess and clean it up, so to speak. I hate the feeling of knowing that our R is broken and it may never go through the healing process it deserves.

But, no expectations, right? I swear I could wait a whole another six months and H will probably not say a word to me about our R. He's just REALLY, REALLY good at avoiding. So at this rate, it could go on forever.

He's too nice to file the papers for D but then he's too nice to tell OW that it's over and he can't see her anymore. And he's too nice to split up our family.

Oh well... at least I know what I want. I feel bad that he's so conflicted inside. Just sukks that he put himself in this position.