Thank you all! I appreciate your posts so much. Your constant reminders of what is really going on has really helped me a great deal. Without your knowledge I would still be blaming myself. I've told my H that I will no longer apologize. I wish I had done some things differently. I regret that. I have apologized and have asked for forgiveness. I'm quite certain that I will not make the same mistakes again. I will no longer have conversations with my H about why he left. He took actions that he will have to own. His actions are forgivable, but he has to take responsibility for them and make amends. He's not doing that any time soon, if at all, and I think I'm finally ok with that.
I'm really curious about something. Last weekend my H said that when he left he decided that he was no longer going to put the boys first. That he had done that for years and he was unhappy. I was floored, but I also know that only an unwell person would say something like that. Now he denies ever saying that. He accused me of misquoting him. I told him I would not argue with him. I know what he said. He can always retract it if that's not how he feels, but he can no longer deny things and put it on me. For the first time, I was perfectly calm with him and just stated the facts. I know MLCers don't remember things when they come out of the tunnel, but is their memory sketchy from one day to the next?
I really hope there is no need to talk for awhile. I hate that there are on-going logistics to discuss. It's just too expensive to let my attorney do all of my talking.
