The LBS train ride is so painful I just want to get off.
I've learned a lot from this board and what I've learned is...you can get off now. The LBS train is a label. Deciding that it's over, or filing or cutting her out of your life doesn't cut the pain out of your heart. Finding someone else doesn't cut the pain out of your heart. Heal you regardless of the sitch.
You HAVE to stop pursuing her. Even in the last conversation with her you said that you'd be a good husband. You can't bring up R talk. Everytime you do this on some level she'll feel pressured.
And you also framed up being a good H by being financially stable. You seriously need to work that out. Stop bringing money up with her. Stop bringing it up with yourself.
I'm iffy on the whole sending the kids cards and money. I don't know. It wasn't Christmas or a Birthday. You've admitted you weren't very involved in the past. So only you know your motives if you're being truly honest with yourself. And I get it, it's very very hard to be because for years we've been acting a certain way and telling ourselves it's for other reasons. Hell I had to change my FB so he couldn't see any of my statuses unless I chose to include him..that way I wouldn't have to worry if on some level I wasn't posting something for him.
