Game Point 2

[tryingtilDorR]

Its been over a year since I checked in here so I thought I would post an update. Here are the basic facts:

WAW started to stray and had an EA (at least) about the time my daughter started High School

I did just about everything wrong according to the advice you get on this site just read all my threads - I begged her to work on M, we went to intense MC which she was not interested in, contacted OM etc. etc. etc.

she moved out 2 years ago and I immediately let go finally, filed for D, and lo and behold, met someone new almost immediately. After being 'single' in my M for several years I was really ready to meet someone new, but to this day if I could have found a way to save my M I would have done it, but you can't wait for WAW forever to wake up.

I am still with the same GF I met just after WAW moved out and have never looked back. We are engaged and getting married in August of this year.

Divorce negotiations were lengthy due to some thorny issues regarding her work schedule (she works part time, and I wanted to pay support asusming that she works full time just like I do), but it was final in April 2012, finally.

WAW has a ton of regret and wanted to move back into our house about 6 months after she left, but I had moved on. Being single and her OM were not what it was cracked up to be, and she still has that opinion as far as I can tell. Its all textbook based upon the advice you get on this forum and in books. They operate in a 'fog' while they break up their family and the only hope you have is that they 'wake up' before its too late. All of the advice you get here is geared towards making that happening (GAL, etc).

To this day WAW is not happy, and regrets her actions and is now giving the advice she used to get from other single moms which is to stick it out in your M if you can and see if you can work on it (she hasn't told me this directly, but she has told others).

My children have weathered the storm as best as you might expect. No matter what, the best things for kids is that their parents stay together. If that can't happen, then there are things you can do to soften the blow and make the integration of new partners into their life as smooth as possible. I can say that that part of it has gone well from my perspective but not for WAW. kids to this day do not care for OM or want much to do with him, but they really like my fiancee. WAW was always self-consumed and self-focused, which is what lead to this with her kids - they see that clearly in her.


In the meantime, I just want to let everyone who is going through the intense pain I was 2-3 years ago that life will move forward and you will be OK. The advice you get here is the only hope you have of making it work without going through what I did (Divorce). I know it now for sure looking back - but it is a hard thing to do while you are in the depths of it all!

When I was in the deepest depths of dispair over W having the EA, etc and the breakup of my family (I had 4 kids, 2 in HS and 2 in middle school at the time), I had no idea how I would surivive and life seemed very bleak. I could not 'cross the chasm' and look at myself outside of my current family situation and 20+ year marriage. I was forced to in the end, however, and found a way to flip the switch.

In the end, I am in much better shape personally than the WAW. One thing that softened the blow is that her family stepped in financially and helped me keep the family home, which was a huge comfort. Everyone tells me how good I look and how they can see how happy I am, and I have found a new partner.

I never could imagine being with another woman and now I am with someone that I could not have even imagined. She is very intelligent and beautiful and has been a huge help and inspiration to me as I go through the divorce process, and was really the ultimate reason why I was not willing to take the WAW back.

Stay strong all of you who are being walked away from - your spouse does not know what they are doing most likely and in the end, either way you will be OK.