We lost the spark. How do I live with this guilt?

[reachingHigher]

I'll look at Stockdale Paradox tonight after the boys go to bed.

For me, MC was good. Not that it resolved anything. It was just great to hear H talk for 45 minutes about me! Lol! And him too, of course!

I wrote down the things later that he listed as him being unhappy with our M. There we're seven main areas. I also listed the two things he really liked (I honestly think he wasn't trying to be mean, there are more than two things, but that isn't why we were there).

I really looked at those seven areas in light of the advice I've been reading on this forum.

So, in that respect, it really helped me a lot. I can see where I need to grow if I expect him to think life is better with me than by himself or with someone else.

I was disappointed, of course, that the three of us (H, C, and me) saw no point in H coming back until he is ready to work on the M. It's just the truth. But I'm going to continue now to see her as an IC because I need to work on me! And H encouraged that. He's been wanting me to do that for years!

So, it didn't resolve any marriage difficulties, but it helps me see the next steps I need to take. Does that make any sense? Or help you at all?