Thanks to all of you!! I told S18 that you said Congratulations too!
I have to say that it feels really good, the high road is so much nicer. I am not doing anything out of spite, although at times he may think so. I am honestly doing what is best for the boys and I at all times, regardless of him or his decisions. I am no longer worried about his reaction or his decisions. They are not my business.
For a while it was bothering me that he was spreading lies about me, mainly in the neighborhood but also outside of it. I have lived here for 18 years and many of the neighbors not only stopped talking to me but stopped making eye contact. They are fine with him when he is here which is only 2 days out of the month now.
At first I really let it bother me, and then I realized that I don't care. I don't care about them or their opinions. If they are going to blindly listen to this man, that is their prerogative. I am living my life and they have nothing to do with it, so I don't give it energy.
I was awarded exclusive rights to the home for now, but once we get to equitable distribution I have decided that I really want to sell both of our homes and the boat, to keep it as clean as possible. I don't want to have that tying us together after the divorce is final. I want to be able to move on with my life and not have that lingering.
He has been texting silly things, and emailing me work related items the past 2 days. I have not responded to any of them. He is giving me tips for my business but he has no ownership so it is truly a tactic.
S18 is leaving for the shore for the week with his friends tomorrow. It will just be S15 and I which will be fun. He has to work tomorrow, so I will go to the gym (zumba class with my girlfriends) and do some cleaning, etc.
When he gets off work at 4 we are heading to my fathers to see him for his bday and fathers day. Nothing like some time with family at the beach S15 will see STBX on Sunday afternoon/evening. So I may just take myself to a movie
he is hovering and seeing what new tactics draw you in. Indifference is the best response.
He will switch again on his tactics when he thinks it suits him. Nothing really too much more to his actions than to think he is over reacting to minor events to deflect or obfuscate from the major events.
Again
Indifference is the best response.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Checking in and catching up on some threads and thought I would check in myself.
I had my IC yesterday and based on the information I shared with her, she said "you are still taking care of him, you need to stop" I know a lot of you are nodding and agreeing and have tried to gently tell me (some not so gently lol)
Well I got it! I really heard her, there was a long conversation about it and I saw some areas that I didn't see as clearly before. I thought I was doing some things "for the kids" because that is how he presented them, but truly they were for him. I see it now.
So yesterday I got a letter in the mail saying that he had locked me out of yet another acct by changing the login info. I emailed him in order to keep everything documented. He of course denied it and tried to talk his way out of it. I said "well I seem to be getting a lot of these lately" and he replied "yup and with good reason, if you had just told me you were going to file we could have worked this out between us. I am just doing what your lawyer requested"
I replied "my lawyer did not request that you change passwords and lock me out of accts"
So last night S15 had his first JV basketball game for the high school (summer league to practice) and he showed up. I was already sitting with the moms and he came to sit near us, because S15 was still sitting there I assumed.
He was putting on his nice face as he always does in front of others, he only bullies me in private so that others would be shocked at my suggesting he was anything other than charming.
When the team got up to play, I suggested to my friend that we move up to the top to lean against the wall for our game. She agreed. I noticed that he was sitting alone throughout the game.
When it ended and I went to get S15, STBX was nowhere to be seen. We talked to a few people and still no STBX. So when we got in the car, S15 asked and I said "didn't he come to find you at the end" and he shook his head.
In the past I would have made excuses for him but my IC had touched on that in the morning, so I simply said "I don't know why he left early, you can call him and ask him if you want' and he simply shrugged.
I felt bad for S15, he seemed sad when we got home. He wouldn't talk about it but he was clearly not himself. I just sat and watched some tv with him for a bit.
Finally got a letter from his L yesterday stating that he was retained and asking my L to contact directly to avoid court. We do have our first court date on July 11 so I will be curious to see what happens between now and then but I am gathering my documents and getting ready as if the court date stands.
Still maintaining indifferent, and I think that is infuriating him. Not my intent at all, just self preservation. I am thankful for it.
Still maintaining indifferent, and I think that is infuriating him
He's responsible for his feelings. That's been difficult for me to assimilate. For years I believed I was responsible for everyone's feelings, except my own.
You're moving forward in very difficult circumstances.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Very true labug! I don't know if it is good or bad, but I find that I honestly don't care about his feelings right now. I realized how little he cares for mine and that I need to make mine the priority (mine and the boys).
Very true labug! I don't know if it is good or bad, but I find that I honestly don't care about his feelings right now. I realized how little he cares for mine and that I need to make mine the priority (mine and the boys).
YEP and YEP.
You can talk with S15 about it though. So he knows that it is normal to feel what he felt. And that it was not his fault.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I made the mistake of interacting via email a bit too much with STBX today. Initially we had the best of intentions but it turned ugly really quickly.
Ironically part of the discussion was him suggesting we don't need L's and we can do this ourselves, he will not fight alimony, child support, etc but why make the L's rich?
When our conversation took a turn I pointed out that this was precisely why we need them and I promptly disengaged. Giving myself a full time out and taking a nice long walk.
