doing a pretty big thing for me this weekend - going to a machine knitting seminar on my own. its a 4 and half hour drive away - haven't done that since the accidents and i'm going to camp for the first time in my life entirely on my own
i'm rather nervous - more than nervous. especially now this morning because i haven't packed, haven't prepared or planned anything and that is so completely out of my comfort zone that i'm like, what am i doing here?
mil came over yesterday and lent me her iPad to take on the trip so i can find my way around. it was really nice of her as it will make my life a lot easier. the night before she was so worried on the phone - how can u do this, how will u manage what if something happens, and i thought to myself - i am so sick of everyone treating me like i'm utterly helpless and incapable. so i asked her that would she hesitate to go on a 5 hr drive and she said no way, and i said well why are you so worried about me - and she couldn't really reply
my biggest block to being relaxed about this is putting up the tent - which sounds really stupid, but when we went on the school trip a few weeks ago and camped the first night, i just couldn't get the pole ends into their slots - didn't have the strength and h had to come over and do it.
things like that make me a wreck because even though i want the simple independence, my body doesn't always allow it.
well i figure - if i can't get the tent up i'll just sleep in the car!!
i think my nervousness about what i'm about to do, was at the back of me getting hassled about h this morning, to be honest. i'm tired of not being able to handle the curve balls that come in on a daily basis - need to really work on that
off to throw some stuff in the car and take off - i think i'll have internet access because of the iPad but maybe not
hope everyone has a great weekend
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
