[LITB]

It is great that so many folks find my threads helpful. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I owe a ton to this community. I’ll post a link at the end of this thread. JustStunned has the best suggestion in regards to searching a members posts history.

I want to share the following because one of my really good friends is going thru the same thing and he is making the same mistake that I did.

One of my biggest mistakes throughout this ordeal was not being more aggressive in regards to the custody of our children early on. My decisions were based on FEAR and emotions of pushing my W further away. FEAR that she would come after me for everything that I had. FEAR that I would be paying for her to live this “great” life while I worked my life away.

My W used these FEARS to her advantage. Threatening to come after me for alimony and the max child support. The reality was that she was already emotionally checked out of our marriage. I couldn’t push her further away and our children are more important than everything else that I have combined.

I did finally stand up for myself, however my earlier mistakes came back to bite me. Since we had a tentative agreement drawn up (that I never signed), the judge made me send our children to my W in the middle of last July.

On July 15, 2011, our children and I had just walked out the door on our way to Chuck E Cheese when I listened to the message my L left, letting me know that the judge ordered me to have them in NM within 24 hours. It was one of the most painful days of my life. We still went to Chuck E Cheese and I had to put a happy face on, but I was dying inside. I could have just broke down. It sukked. My W agreed to give me until Sunday to get them to her.

On Sunday when driving to the airport and putting them on a plane was even worse. Our D9 cried the whole way. I tried to stay strong, but I cried. Writing about it gets me choked up.

What I am saying is don’t allow FEAR to be your guide. My W was infuriated with me and said the most evil things to me. So what? Our children’s best interest should have been my priority from the beginning.

During a convo with my W on Tuesday, she admitted that she was angry with me at the time. She also told me that she now understands why I did it and that many of her male friends said that they would have done the same thing.

On a side note that touches on sandi2’s 37 rules. During our hearing, I wore my Italian suit, new shoes and a new haircut. It made a big impression on her. She said when the elevator door opened she thought to herself, “Dayum, he would be looking handsome.”