25, to answer your question the emails AFTER the settlement hearing said things like "I would encourage you to go find someone new that wants to have more kins with you. There is nothing in me that wants to reconcile at this point", I was called "manipulative", I was attacked for trying to hold her responsible for some things she was legally responsible for (SMALL amount of debt), and I was attacked for keeping the house as mine. She said "this is coming from a man who says he loves his wife and son". Clearly, she was pissed about the hearing.
Prior to that, I felt we'll....."OK"......about the letter. I saw it as a signal that at least she had positive memories of me - NONE of which she really spoke about since the bomb. I let a close friend read it, someone that knows us both, and she teared up....was confused by it. I didn't WANT to see it as a "good-bye" letter, but maybe that is just what it was.
Regarding negativity, I am really trying to pull out of that nose dive. I met with my psychiatrist this week and she noted that I AM doing much better (don't have to go back for 2 months). She gave me some good advice based on my personality and told me that I really need to focus on one day at a time....look at a tree, stay out of the forest for awhile. It has helped....just focusing on making it through one day and not trying to make it through a month in one setting. She also asked me how my relationship was with my son. I told her that I am much happier with him and tend to forget (or at least minimize) the negatives in my life when I am with him. She said that it would appear that he has been my lifeline through a lot of this.
Odd that we bring them into this world knowing we are to take care of them and for the last nine or ten months he has been taking care of me in his own way. Touching, and makes him that much more special to me.
