Lost

[dscl]

Im willing to work my issues with the A, but it hurts that it continues even after she knows that I know, and W wants me to accept that it MY fault that it is happening.

Ever heard the Aesop fable that ends "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"? Your W has an OM and is in the honeymoon stage still. It is all good, very little bad.

I guarantee she has thought about working on the M with you. How appealing have you made it for her? She will have to give up what is 'fun' for her right now and put in work for something that might not happen. What have you done for you that makes you someone that only a fool would leave?

Did you go to dances at school when you were in junior high? Maybe there was a girl that wanted to dance with you, but you were too scared to get out on the dance floor. You were waiting for the 'right' song. Your W is waiting for that song before she gets back on the dance floor with you. Work on you before the last song is played because right now, you don't look like a desirable dance partner.

If/when you and W start working on the R, it is going to be hard work. Much harder than dealing with an A and OM. Concentrate on you and become the best person you can be. Make it so YOU are the person everyone wants to dance with.

Lost,

I like that analogy, makes it a little clearer in my head. I think the issue I'm having is that it's still so raw. Knowing the A is still ongoing is consuming me, I have to let it go.I HAVE to listen to everyone is saying and what I've read, IT WILL TAKE TIME.

Brit:Also going out and getting Codependent No More as you have suggested.

Thanks everyone for pulling me from the ledge.

New day new opportunities.