I guess the point I was trying to make gets back to the beginner's mind - if we see things as a part of their personality, we believe it can't change. If we re-frame it as a habit, we see that it could change. Maybe if you mention offhand in a breezy way that you heard he did X, that's cool, so that you show you don't have an issue in it, he wouldn't say it in a pouty voice or think you'll be upset if you hear anything about his life. Does that make sense?
God you're right and actually what I was doing is what Grace suggested yesterday seeing something in him as an ALWAYS to help with the disappointment.
That's exactly what I did yesterday...mention something he'd done with GF and it was fine. He hasn't talked in that voice to me in awhile but then again he hasn't talked to me about his life. I was also fine asking following up questions last week when he said they went to that event.
I have also not offered my opinion or advice since the bomb drop.
I'm not even sure if I want to reconcile. or if I'll ever have that opportunity. Being reminded this morning of the way he people pleases himself into trouble turned my stomach.
It's not just the people pleasing but the drifting. And not doing anything when he's in an unhappy sitch. I could give example after example. But it just drained me.
when I met him I thought he knew who he was and was caught up in a bad sitch...I don't even know if that was true. He was much more confident when we met.
