@LITB Sorry for the hijack, great job again by the way!
@ET ALL I strongly suspect LITB will respond as asked and post a link. JIC and as an FYI you can follow another members posts while you are logged on by clicking on their screen name. This will produce a menu. The PM link is blocked, but at the bottom of the menu is a link that will display all of their other posts in pages . I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread. End Hijack
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Thank you for sharing your story! It's one that shows it doesn't necessarily have to be a small window of opportunity to reconcile, just about choosing the right window to go through, no matter how long it takes to find it!
It is great that so many folks find my threads helpful. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I owe a ton to this community. I’ll post a link at the end of this thread. JustStunned has the best suggestion in regards to searching a members posts history.
I want to share the following because one of my really good friends is going thru the same thing and he is making the same mistake that I did.
One of my biggest mistakes throughout this ordeal was not being more aggressive in regards to the custody of our children early on. My decisions were based on FEAR and emotions of pushing my W further away. FEAR that she would come after me for everything that I had. FEAR that I would be paying for her to live this “great” life while I worked my life away.
My W used these FEARS to her advantage. Threatening to come after me for alimony and the max child support. The reality was that she was already emotionally checked out of our marriage. I couldn’t push her further away and our children are more important than everything else that I have combined.
I did finally stand up for myself, however my earlier mistakes came back to bite me. Since we had a tentative agreement drawn up (that I never signed), the judge made me send our children to my W in the middle of last July.
On July 15, 2011, our children and I had just walked out the door on our way to Chuck E Cheese when I listened to the message my L left, letting me know that the judge ordered me to have them in NM within 24 hours. It was one of the most painful days of my life. We still went to Chuck E Cheese and I had to put a happy face on, but I was dying inside. I could have just broke down. It sukked. My W agreed to give me until Sunday to get them to her.
On Sunday when driving to the airport and putting them on a plane was even worse. Our D9 cried the whole way. I tried to stay strong, but I cried. Writing about it gets me choked up.
What I am saying is don’t allow FEAR to be your guide. My W was infuriated with me and said the most evil things to me. So what? Our children’s best interest should have been my priority from the beginning.
During a convo with my W on Tuesday, she admitted that she was angry with me at the time. She also told me that she now understands why I did it and that many of her male friends said that they would have done the same thing.
On a side note that touches on sandi2’s 37 rules. During our hearing, I wore my Italian suit, new shoes and a new haircut. It made a big impression on her. She said when the elevator door opened she thought to herself, “Dayum, he would be looking handsome.”
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
This is a topic I couldn't agree more with, when my sitch started I was so concerned about my W's feelings and did not concentrate on all five of my girls. In short in my mind if I could get her back my kids would follow suit, instead I strained my relationship with my girls and its cost me bigtime. now with that being said my ex told me later after the D was final, that I should have know the way to win her back was through our children. I though about it for a long time and she has a point at least in our sitch. So LITB I agree about the fear factor.....This is why its important for you to journal, I mean your going on two years , and things have turned around for you after a lot of soul searching. People on this board need to heed advice from others who have been in the trenches, we all have the same emotions whether male or female and the WAS is the same as well. So my friend GOD Speed and please make this journey your taking count, also keep us informed.
I think I have noticed a difference in my W, she does watch and look at me more when I'm playing with my boys. Last night I seen her smiling when I was tickiling my son at a t-ball game. So maybe thru the kids it will help. If not I love the bond that I now have with my boys.
ME 31 / W 29 M 7 / T 13 S 3 / S 5 NOT HAPPY 11/11 BOMB 12/27/11 MOVED OUT 2/12 THINKS D WOULD BE BEST FOR HER 5/14/12 W Files D 6/24/12
I was intrigued by your signature -- you reconciled two and a half years after the bomb? I read your first few original threads last night -- do you have a summary posted of your sitch? Your timeline might help newcomers with their expectations. Reading your thread you really seemed to do a great job with DB in a very difficult situation. Your threads that I read were like a suspense novel -- "No W, don't move to the town where OM lives and leave your kids behind! Bad idea!". I felt like someone yelling at a movie screen
Accuray
Accuray,
I wanted to answer your post in my thread. Thanks for taking the time to read up on my sitch. I have a lot of respect for you.
I have not summarized my sitch in its entirety. It is a fantastic idea. I will put something together in hopes of helping others.
Again, thank you.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
My W begins her IC this afternoon. She is excited to take the necessary steps to help build the foundation to our new M. I’m equally excited to see her working. Actions speak louder than words.
We also plan on attending Retrouvaille. The hope was to attend in NM at the beginning of September, however the job that I interviewed for did not pan out. My W is open to moving back to the Bay Area, so our plan B isn’t a bad option. We’ll take it one step at a time.
She will be coming out here next Thursday for 10 days. It will be the first time that we are physically together since we agreed to reconcile. I am looking forward to it.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I will state this once again, as far as DBing goes - pretty sure you're my hero! Best of luck moving the ball forward.
25 suggested I ask my W if she would be open to Retrouvaille. Would like to - and there is one in my area in late July....just need to wait to see if the time is right to ask. Not sure if it is now.
25 suggested I ask my W if she would be open to Retrouvaille. Would like to - and there is one in my area in late July....just need to wait to see if the time is right to ask. Not sure if it is now.Crimson
The only way to know is to ask. Just remember to go in without any expectations.
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
Enjoy!
Starsky
Your post made me LOL because I know exactly what you meant. I plan on it.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
