okay.....she is way confused. And she needs to sort that out herself. Maybe some old timers/vets can help you out here.
What I did learn is that A's are symptoms of the problem. it wasn't that you were a bad H, you both contributed to the problems and because she was equipped to handle that she had an A. I'm not saying you have to forgive her. But at this point you still care, and you would still like a R if she sorts out her confusion and is willing to work on it. Those are fair objectives.
I would say but this is just my opinion: Tell her that you care about her deeply and would like nothing more than to work on the relationship. But that right now, she is choosing otherwise. Maybe at some point you can work on things but until then, she can not drop in and out of your house as she chooses, she's got a new place to live. That she needs to respect your house. That you don't want to harm her r with d. That it's best that you two set up a schedule so that she has time with D.
