NRTS (Not Repairable at This Station) 2

[WenikiTiki]

And I feel so darn helpless right now. My STBXH comes out into the family room, where I was sitting at the table working on a presentation I'm giving to my quilt guild.

He asks me about my plans for today. Talks to me so kindly. And as he is leaving for the day, I just want a hug, for things to be back to normal.

But I don't move a muscle, I say nothing. Because I know he is happy thinking he is moving on to a place where he thinks he will be happier.

I have no idea what his status is with OW. I know she isn't the real problem. But I also know that I will never bring up the topic of reconcilliation again. It would have to be his idea, his desire.

As he drives away I am washed over with sadness. And YET I KNOW I am as strong as I can be. I will keep moving on to make that beautiful life for me.

Thanks for being here, and thanks for letting me vent.

[hrm134]

Hi Wendy..... I know what you mean about the just wanting a hug and everything back to normal.... I felt like that today too.... H was acting normal this morning too.... hhhmmmm... did they all get together and say just to mess with our spouses lets act normal?

Being strong and being ok doesn't mean there aren't going to be sad days, days where we wish the MLCers would just wake up and see what they should have known all along.... on the up side we can work through those days. I know it's not the same but here's a cyber hug from me to you!

[Walking]

And I can't tell if this is just anxiety, or maybe something is getting worse. And the doc thinks I just need to get divorced and move on and I will feel better. I am pretty sure anxiety doesn't cause swollen legs and hands.

Weniki Tiki I've never posted to you before but I read you regularly and I love your energy, humour and deep ability to contemplate, reflect and internalise personal development learnings in the most graceful way. You are truely using this very difficult time in your life to learn and grow and it's so clear to see that you are going to be SOOOOOO ok no matter what happens.

Have you ever read any Louise Hay? She's a woman who wrote the groundbreaking book called "You can heal your life". Her hypothosis is that we manifest all of our own illness by our thoughts and those thoughts and experiences actually make us ill - but we also have the ability to make ourselves better if we understand the emotional/energy issue and deal with that - the physical symptoms will go away.

About 6 months after my h and I separated, I experienced a ruputured stomach ulcer and nearly died. I was 35 years old, in great overall health (I was GALing my ar$e off, yoga, aerobics, bike riding, hiking, eating well, etc etc etc) but I became very ill. I knew then that there was more to it than a coincidence. I started reading.

Not surprisingly, according to Louise Hay it could be broken down like this

Stomach problems: Dread. Fear of the new. Inability to assimilate the new.
Pain: (associated with the rupture - because I've never been in so much pain in my life) Guilt: guilt always seek punishment

I looked up your swollen legs ... she says

legs: carry us forward in life
Leg problems: Fear of the future. Not wanting to move.
Swelling: Being stuk in thinking. Clogged, painful ideas.

She suggests affirmations for dealing with these things - so for you it might be


My thoughts flow freely and easily. I move through ideas with ease.
I move forward with confidence and joy, knowing that all is well in my future.
Life is for me.

Look her up - I think you'll like her.

((v))

[WenikiTiki]

Hey Walking!

That is a great affirmation. I have been using my walks as a time to feel powerful. And my SUP time gives me to feel propelled in a new, different, sometimes scary, but always beautiful way.

And yes, I feel afraid of the future and stuck in thought.

I have had ulcers off and on since I was 19. And my S22 has bad stomach problems. And horrible anger. I will look her up.

Thanks for your compliments. I am starting to feel like the learning about me is the best thing to come out of this.

[beatrice]

Hi, I second Walking's recommendation. The Louise Hay book is amazing. I picked it up with a ton of suspicion, but it makes total sense.

[PennyHIll]

And now our spouses are just doing what they are compelled to do. People who are mean or rotten to us are not really in control of themselves. We certainly can't make then be nice.

This is something I have known for a long time, but I needed reminding of, thank you! I am currently feeling so angry, because H must be really slating me since some mutual friends have sided with him, despite his actions.

[WenikiTiki]

So last night one of my friends was telling us about looking at her husbands emails, he is out of town. To a foreign country. Coming back the 19th of June. She was really puzzled, because she found an email for a flight from LA to San Francisco from June 10th to the 18th.

The only way back from the foreign country to Hawaii is through LA. Anyway, this has been one of the friends who has told me how bad my marriage is, how great hers is, blah, blah, blah!

She sat there last night and had 10 different reasons why this ticket would exist. All pretty much not feasible.

I absolutely zipped it. Didn't say a word. But will tell you all that I have wondered about him in the past. Wondered was he the one who would end up with the next MLC in our circle...

[TSquared2]

But I also know that I will never bring up the topic of reconcilliation again. It would have to be his idea, his desire.

Good.for.YOU!!!

You are doing great!

Sometimes it seems they are so not in control of themselves, they have to find anything (everything?) else external to them to control (like what kind of car you might buy, etc)....*sigh*

Do you meditate, or find "quiet, do nothing time" everyday? You are soooo busy...

T^2

[dl443322]

Hey Wen, I've never posted to you but have been reading along.

Like Walking and others have said, I like your style.

And I agree that stress, fear and apprehension can manifest itself physically in different ways.

I would be worried if you werent sad and nervous about what is going on.

As long as you feel it, let it wash over you and continue to move forward, you will be ok.

It is when we hang onto it that is saps our energy and weighs us down.

How lucky for you that you live in Hawaii. That is high on my bucket list as a place to visit.

As far as your friend, the fact that she is checking his emails indicates that she, too, is wondering. Good on you for not saying anything.

You are doing wonderfully. Keep going.

[kml]

AND I have been on thyroid medicine for hypo-thyroid for 10 years now. And I just don't think they get my dose right.

Ummmmm...yeah. Probably not. Check out the stopthethyroidmadness website for some valuable information in this regard. And if your TSH is over 1, and you feel hypo, push them to increase your dose at least. Better still, ask your local compounding pharmacist to direct you to a doctor who prescribes Armour thyroid and knows what they're doing with thyroid patients. And remember that hypothyroidism causes heart failure too.

And 1 out of 20 thyroid patients has full-blown celiac disease, at least 1 out of 5 are significantly gluten sensitive, and 2 out of 3 have gluten antibodies in their stool. celiac dot com has lots of good info on gluten-free diets.