Crimson....just checkin' in.

[25yearsmlc]

So I have often referenced the letter that my wife gave me the day before our settlement hearing on May 14th. She had been working on it since the 7th and had to stop because she said it was very emotional for her. When I read it, I had tears in my eyes - and I get a little choked up every time I revisit it. After the hearing - she was very hurt and angry and said some not-so-nice things in e-mail.

It is so full of kind words, praise and gratitude - that it is hard for me to imagine she is even talking about ME - someone that she is leaving. She describes a pretty decent guy - IMHO. Anyhow - here it is. I would love to get anyone's perspective on this if you are familiar with my sitch or not. It's just hard to process and put in a proper place. Any WAWs have an opinion??

Crimson

Dear Crimson –

Your letters have been so helpful to me – so I wanted to share a letter with you as well. I have avoided it because of the depth of my feelings overwhelms me.

I have so much gratitude for you that is permanently woven into the woman I have become.

I never knew consistent, unconditional love in a relationship before you. From day one – you were a man of your word. What you said, you did. You were the first man to see me at the lowest of lows and good times too – and never walked away.

You taught me how to have and take care of the finer things in life – furniture, handbags, dishes, etc. – I never had the means to have such things.

You did something that every day as long as I live will be the most monumental event of my life – you made me a mother!

I don’t know why, but I used to feel like good things only happen to other people. I’ll never forget when you proposed – it was the most outer body moment of “I never knew this would happen for me….”. You are the only man to teach me that good things will happen to me, for me.

I am grateful for the patience you showed me early on when I was unemployed, had Joe (her puppy) and had gotten off track.

I am grateful for every moment you shared your life with me – every childhood story, every detail of your life. I relished you sharing with me.

I am grateful for the trips we took, the wonderful dates you took me on and my favorite- when you would cook for me at home.

I am grateful for the home you provided us with and all of the stress and pressure you took on because of your determination.

I am grateful for all of your encouragement and support in my career that has been a bumpy and not-always-pleasant ride.

I am grateful that you wanted to marry me and make me your wife. I am grateful you wanted to have a nice ceremony in Sedona to bring out our family and friends.

I’m sorry I was not a confident woman when you met me. [b]A woman that could feel and communicate her wants and needs in a way you could understand. I never saw people communicate in my house growing up – in my attempts to “pretend” I knew how, I failed miserably.

I’m sorry I didn’t know how to support you with your fears and anxieties and pressures – I wish I would have known how to support you better.

I’m grateful that you cared about my family. I had never been in a relationship where someone embraced my family, with all their quirks and personalities – and they will always relish that.

I guess this letter could go on and on – but guess I’ll stop here.

I am eternally (forever and forever) grateful for you [used my full name here]. Never doubt that – it is real.

Love,

W[/b]

what did the email afterwards say, that was so angry and different?

I need time to ponder this. Not sure what to make of it. Is it a nice, kind good bye/dear John Letter?

Or a softening of the blows to come?

Or a simple expression and gesture to reciprocate yours?

She sounds reflective. I don't think she BSd it. I just don't know her goal in it yet.

But if you want clues to what she did NOT get from you

read the highlighted parts...for some possible clues. I'm NOT sure...just tossing ideas out.

will write more later.

Oh, and realize that TIME WILL REVEAL MORE...be patient and please learn to not be so negative.

You rob yourself of so much.

When i attended that workshop I mentioned to you before, (the one that I really liked and felt changed my paradigm, etc)


I examined how I had been viewing things in life in general. I was NOT a Debbie Downer, and I always had a lot of friends. But I definitely saw the down sides to too much.

When I felt anger, or sadness, it could consume me. But when a joyful event happened, I would let fear or regret seep in & pollute it

so that only the negatives of life were fully & "purely experienced". How pathetic was that??

I recall how I counted up a typical day spent fearing/whining or worrying about things that either never happened, were not realistic anyhow,

or over which I had NO control anyway...

Crimson, that negativity amounted

to about 2 YEARS of my life...back then!

That's a self inflicted prison sentence of a periodically joyless life...

emanating from my world view...

Even Worse, it's a terrible behavior to be around b/c it just brings others down or [censored] out the joy from their lives as well,

and it's horrible to teach our kids.

You really have to change the way you see things. SOON...whatever it takes.

YOU CAN DO IT....I know you can.