i just read nci's and bustorama's recommendations to NCL on her thread - about establishing boundaries and that until i really do nothing will change in the sitch
so does this apply to WAS's in mlc/
reading on the mlc threads - the advice is soooo different - to be patient and wait until they come out of replay.
i need to get advice on the issue with s's b'day and my participation in it.
i am very confused about what to do.
i have to take care of a few things, but will try to put my thoughts down later tonight
zig
To quickly respond to this as well...
Remember... each sitch is unique... IF you find your sitch similar to NCL's, then there is the possibility that the advice to you would be about the same... but if there's a difference between her H's and your H's behaviours... or her behaviour and your behaviour... well, then the advice might be different...
BTW, boundaries are FOR YOU!
Like all things DB... it's not about them, it's about us... We set boundaries of what we will or will not accept. We don't control them, we simply respond based on our boundaries that serve us.
For example, my boundary was that I want no communication with my W. The best I can hope for is minimal contact because there may be very important kid stuff. It has taken consistent behaviour from me for over six months for that boundary to be solid and respected by my W.
The boundary... was for me... because I just can't deal with her drama. Maybe I could learn to... but... that's not something that I want in my life (drama) so it's not something that I will allow in my life.
Regarding advice for those whose spouse is MLC... yes, patience... but really what we're hoping to establish with the LBS is to get off the roller coaster, detach, and GAL... so that we create the least resistance for the MLCer to work through their necessary path... disruptions can cause MLC to delay... if nothing else, we do not need to be the cause of that delay...
And then there's those who think the MLCer is coming out of it and jump into the M again only to find the MLCer runs away because they were just doing a "touch and go". Back on the roller coaster...
So... that being said...
In your sitch, H's PA = No joy stick from H
In regards to your s's b-day... that's about your s... you are allowed to change your mind, but you should be sure to let your s know (once this b-day is over) that the NEXT b-day could very well look different. You don't have to describe it as smaller... just different...
Do the b-day as your s hopes this year... you've already established to him that it will be so...
