zig, yes... I do like cainer and read him daily... his posts are just... fun...
Now, on the sex thing... let's just say... it's complicated...
So first of, the advice here is generally... when there's a PA... just say, "NO!"
When there appears to be no PA, then... well...
It certainly is DB, in the right context.
Understand that many people who find themselves to this board are looking at LRT as their only DB option. LRT includes no pursuit.
But... DB ALSO says, "do what works". And if it's a possible 180 and it works, then yes... by all means...
and also, nothing about DB is completely set in stone. They are pretty clear, but they are also guidelines which each one of us should modify, according to the context of our sitch, at any given time.
For example, dbmod recently went through and bumped posts of newbies. In one, dbmod indicated the member should be in LRT... but, should be looking carefully for baby steps AND move towards the spouse as they occur, as the member's past behaviour was detached from their spouse... so a 180 would be pursue, but LRT says no pursuit... but in context, pursuit is DB acceptable because as soon as the dynamic changes...
well... LRT is LAST RESORT... but it really is meant to be as temporary as possible.
