My wife is involve in an EA with a guy from out of state. To be brief, we have gone downhill and she is moving out this weekend into an apartment. You can read details under Walk Away Spouses forum under topic "oh crap, here we go again."

When I first found out about the other guy, I confronted the wife. We were also going through other problems. She ultimately said she wanted to work on our marriage as we have almost 20 years invested. (I'm really shortening details here to give a thumbnail sketch.) She said she told him their communications were improper and he agreed to stop also.

For several weeks, I thought things were 180 degrees better. UNTIL I FOUND OUT SHE WAS STILL COMMUNICATING WITH HIM from her work email and work phone. Another blow up with the wife and I told her to leave.

The same day, I called him. He first tried to make it sound like he was just an old high school friend who had reconnected with a classmate. After confronting him with facts (times of calls/texts, number of connections, etc.) he admitted it was improper, but he hasn't seen her in 10 years.

I asked if he knew she was married and had two children. I asked if he knew he ruined a marriage as we were divorcing. He said he felt terrible but he thought she was going to work on the marriage. I asked how she could if he was still in the picture. He ultimately said he would tell her they would no longer be in contact and he felt terrible. I almost believe him and wonder if my wife is egging this on. He said he would cancel his upcoming trip to our hometown (high school reunion).

My wife is still moving out this weekend. I assume at this time she is still thinking about him. I noticed on the computer history today that she has been in contact with him as of this morning on facebook.

I am not going to do anything until I discuss with the counselor next week. I previously told my wife I was still going to fight for my marriage even after she moved out. I would continue to honor my vows as long as I wore my ring. I want to contact the other guy and tell him I am still fighting for her. To tell you the truth, I half way thought he MIGHT discontinue conversations based on my talk with him. I almost want to threaten him with exposure if he continues with her. I know if he does stop and he tells her I contacted him, it may do more damage between us. Should I care?

My question is this? Has anyone EVER been successful in this approach or has it backfired.

After reading this again, I know I sound like an idiot but I am still on the roller coaster and am still dizzy.
Any response is helpful....