Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

I don't like knowing that I gave him comfort and warmth and took from him comfort and warmth when at the same time I was hurting so bad from actions he was continuing to do. It's a dangerous game!!!


ah brit - that's what hurts so much doesn't it? it feels as if we betrayed ourselves deep down, that we would give so much of ourselves even while we were being so betrayed and disrespected

but I was just like you can't talk this way when your still carrying on a R with
her

you are one strong lady - i didn't have the self esteem and self confidence to say that to him directly. the last time though - at a halloween party, when i completely didn't expect it, at my sweet friends house - he followed me into the bathroom (it didn't have a lock and started kissing me passionately - when i realized that we were one step from having sex right there i stopped it and pulled back. he left and then came back in again, and i think we talked a bit and hugged really deeply and he said that he was so sorry that he was hurting me. i replied it's okay i understand.that was the last time

one of the things i did really wrong in the R was that i rejected him - a lot. and that really hurt him. and that day , i did it again, and i think he saw it as more of the same. now of course it doesn't matter....

on the other hand - as i wrote the description of what happened up above, i realize how far i've come and how much more i love and respect myself. i think if it happened today that he said that, i would look at him calmly and say yes you have really hurt and betrayed me, i never expected that of you.