TM, while I understand that you believe your W was hurt because you avoided talking to her or felt you were being punative and aggressive with her...
I'd think again... ok, maybe the above was NOT what you think she felt... but anyhow...
Here's the thing, TM... my W would continually bring up stuff outside of mediation or lawyers...
I believed at the time, and I still do... First, she wanted me to agree BEFORE HAND... so it looked like we agreed with each other going in... Second, as far as the L... HER L... she'd get dinged for everything her L did for her, so she was trying to save money by negotiating with me outside of the L...
I could be way off base there, but I really don't go for what appears to be crocodile tears, from your W... L's are there to protect ourselves... from ourselves... because sometimes we just don't think straight... and "give too much"... or don't think about things that would be important...
Also, I think my W brought stuff up to keep communicating with me... no idea why she would want that, but she wanted us to be "friends"... so... idk... she was a master negotiator... and I was... not so much...
