Swimming with Turtles pt 2

[zig]

thanks brit for responding.
girl - if i was on the other side of the pond, i'd want to meet you!!


I say, in the words of Amy Winehouse, NO NO NO. Look it's been chemically proven that women form a connection based on chemicals released at orgasm. This is the opposite of setting boundaries and detaching. Trust me, I used to be one of these you can have no strings S, it's not true.


i totally agree - i found myself sitting there thinking - how the hell would i detach while doing THAT!! how can i have sex like that? i want to ml with him in a beautiful way - not just have sex.

besides - i tend to fall in love with the person i sleep with (or should it be the other way around grin!!)

after he'd had 2 dates with GF I seduced him. Totally did it to try and get him back, but told him it was just for old times sake and maybe I wanted to know he still found me attractive. one big massive Mind F*ck is what it was.

oh yes - you don't have to convince me. i actually forgot to post about that. i sort of did the same. i asked h to ml that night saying that just when i was really finding myself sexually he was taking off, and could we just have sex. he agreed and it was great for me.

the next night - we were talking for hours - I had really absolutely no expectations to do it again, and suddenly he turned to me with the most raw look i had ever seen form him - he had never shown me his wanting me that openly and we had the most amazing sex. again i had no expectation. then found out about him not using a condom and got mad. withdrawal for a few weeks,a nd then the next time he was pissing drunk. and that's when it turned into a mndf*ck for me, because after that he came and told me really kindly that HE was going to stop it because it was "better for me"


that was a serious mind f*ck and took me a long time to work through.
also the last time when he was drunk - he actually turned away from me and i said - you feel like you're betraying her? and he said yes, and we lay there quietly and i said there's no way we need to do this. then he turned to me and started furiously. i was so mad at myself for continuing with him. i should have stopped it there. i remember feeling that he was just having sex with me - in this callous cold way as if i could have been anyone there - and doing it to prove to himself that that's what it was

later over the next few weeks - occasionally it would be too much for him and he would come and kiss me passionately and tell me how sorry he was and then all of that stopped.

i think - that why this has really come up is not for me to make the choice but to deal with what happened that night. he turned what was the most beautiful thing for us into something that made me feel bad about myself sexually and as a person - and i think i've been carrying that for all these months and haven't been able to deal with it directly.

of course, now i see where before i saw those as signs of hope, sadly now i see that it was his way of confirming that i was still available. should have never let him touch me. i gave so many mixed messages then- asked him to move out until he was done with the affair, but then slept with him and let him his.

sheesh was i a mess back then. NO self-empowerment whatsoever!

oops have to rush off to pick up s but will write more later