Letting people live their lives and GALing...

[AntoniaB]

What do I want? Knee-jerk response: More authentic relationships with people. Openness, honesty, transparency.

I do think I love him. I don't think I'm "in love" with him because I feel kind of like he'd need to be feeling similar for me to get to that point. But I've thought a lot about love lately, and at times I feel like maybe "in love" only really means infatuation, while "love" is the deeper thing that endures.

I love my closest friends and that's kind of the love I feel for him...the love for a friend. I think my "deeper feelings for him" are more based around the physical chemistry I have with him. Now if he started seeing someone? That would hurt. I'd be jealous. I told him that's a part of his life I can't deal with right now if he goes that route and to keep me out of the loop. That's not a big deal as he is very private anyway about that sort of thing.

Bottom line is that if I take my desire to have him in my life romantically out of the equation, then I'm left with a person I truly care about as a friend and do want him in my life in that capacity.