Hey BK! Just stopping by to say hi! I read a few of your posts from the past week. You sound really good and emotionally you seem stronger than I've seen you in months. Good for you! Good luck on the AA meetings with your H. I hope you both get something out of it.
Originally Posted By: Walking
Who doesn't fantasize about John Cusack outside their bedroom window ??
You mean like Bryce the geek character that he played in Sixteen Candles?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
2tp - I prefer Llyod Dobler to Bryce. 80 movies are my favorite.
Walking - I come from a big family of alcoholics, so my H is just one of many alcoholics in my life.
So I am going with my H tonight to an AA meeting. I cant believe it. He has been emailing me today asking when he should go, if he should go to aa or alanon, should he go alone or with me? I have waited to reply to each email slowly. As of now we are going together to a meeting tonight at 8:30.
No expectations. No expectations. No expectations. No expectations. No expectations. No expectations. I am just going to keep saying this to myself
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Went to AA meeting with H. It was a great meeting. One speaker was definitely a man my H could relate to. The guy was an alcoholic but hadnt lost his house. I think my H thinks to be an alcoholic you have to be living on the streets. Nothing dramatic but a seed was planted. We are going to an Alanon meeting tomorrow night, isnt it romantic?
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
But... it IS something significant in your journey.
And isn't it amazing how the little things we took for granted - like going to a meeting of this sort with H, or whatever it is - take on so much import now.
My H actually brought a cup of tea that I'd made for myself from the kitchen into the lounge room where I was sitting and handed it to me tonight (he was visiting to help D16 with homework).
And I nearly fell off my chair. What a massive step forward that was in our relationship (and how sad that it means that much to me).
So glad to hear that you are going to these meetings.
If it helps at all with the 'no expectations' perspective, here's the chorus of a song I use as the soundtrack to my attempts to survive. You have to imagine the music to get the full, mojo-pumping effect (Titanium, David Guetta):
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose Fire away, fire away Ricochet, you take your aim Fire away, fire away You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium I am titanium I am titanium
I'm glad to see that your h attended the AA meeting. It will give him something to think about and hopefully decide to have a sponsor work w/him.
So, when will you and your lawyer (father) meeting w/your h and his lawyer? After a few meetings, don't be surprised if he raises that question to you.
Please keep your expectations at zero and I do have to agree w/the other poster...this isn't romantic, but serious business. Time will tell if he will continue going or if he's just doing this to get you to attend the meeting and move forward w/a divorce.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We went to an Alanon meeting tonight. After the meeting we spoke a little and H asked me if I think he belongs in either AA or Alanon. It was a question I was not prepared to answer, it is something that he needs to answer for himself but he is so not ready. It was clear to me after this meeting how bottled up his emotions are. He is looking for a check list to see if he qualifies for these programs rather than listening and looking with in. Its very sad.
He keeps on asking me what to do next. I told him for the third meeting he should go by himself that maybe he would hear something else without me there.
I think I am going to prepare an email to him - answer some of the things he asked me tonight, then I can decide whether to send it or not.
Going to meetings with him is definitely helping me let go. If he cant see the changes in me, if he isnt attracted to the serenity that I taste and the huge "work" I have done - I am not interested in him.
By the way has anyone read the newsweek article about Mary Kennedy - its such a tragedy. I believe I could have easily become her. 10 more years of my disease and I would have been dead from something.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
He keeps on asking me what to do next. I told him for the third meeting he should go by himself that maybe he would hear something else without me there.
I think I am going to prepare an email to him - answer some of the things he asked me tonight, then I can decide whether to send it or not.
I think those are good ideas.
I'm glad he at least stuck his toe in the water.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
