We lost the spark. How do I live with this guilt?

[MrBond]

Let your H speak. Listen and hold your tongue even when there's something you disagree with. Validate his feelings. Then talk about how you feel and not how "he makes you feel". Remember that HE can't make you feel anything you don't want to. Only you can.

Also, don't say the word 'but'. Like when he says something and you say "I understand how you feel, BUT..." The word 'but' negates everything he says prior to it. It shows that you weren't listening. Let him get whatever he needs to off his chest and don't contradict it. He has a right to feel how he feels. Say things like "I can understand how you could feel that way." or if he says something that you know isn't true, say "I don't recall it being like that myself, and I can understand how you felt hurt when I did...."

Then start going into things that you admire about him. Not too over the top, but you need to show him some positives. Don't beg or plead and follow the basic DB principles.

Most importantly, be strong. It will be tough, but you can do it.