AJ I am trying. I think maybe I'm trying to over analyze the situation. I'm trying hard to just be a leaf in the winds of adventure, it just seems as much as I'd like the wind to blow N, S, or E, it keeps blowing W. It seems like one big excuse I keep telling myself is truth and I just can't see it for what it is.

The latest and greatest......

She asked me to pick up the kids to get them to their summer sports. She had me pick them up at her new place. I did not know where she is living. I was never curious, in fact I was dreading the day I would eventually need to know. Looks like I didn't make it 2 weeks after she moved out before finding out where she lives. I'm swear I'm not obsessing over this, but I'm guilty of some repressed feelings. My W's new place is within 2 miles of EA/OM's place. How about those odds, right? What's even better is that he lives on the corner of the road you have to turn onto in order to get to my W's place.

I'm not angry about this at all, at least that I'm aware of. His crazy/bitter XW to be is probably launching to the moon and back about it since I know her kids know my W is living that close to their dad. That's not my problem anymore, but I do know it makes for reconciling that much more difficult IF that opportunity ever surfaces.

I guess I kind of see it as sign from above. Maybe two signs:

1) God is trying to give me all the means necessary for me to get on with my life. This is part of the leaf in the wind stuff I mentioned above.

2) God's giving my W all the means necessary to figure out her life. There's way too much coincidence involved in her finding her new place, but only time will tell.

I know I'm still not done with my W. So between those 2 signs above, God could be telling me, "See. You guys are done. You need to move on." OR "I'm going to give her every opportunity to use that rope and she will see what she sees."

There's always a third view, but I've never been much good at finding that third door on my own.

Eh... Too much thinking. Maybe it's because I'm trying too hard to care/not care that I can't find that third door. My W is playing by a common set of MLC rules:

"ILYBINILWY"
"It's not you, it's me."
"We grew a part"
"He / She 's just a friend."
"I haven't been happy for XX years."
"I deserve to be happy."
"I'm not getting any younger"
"I forgot who I was"

I've heard each of these from my W and I've read in a whole bunch of places online and in print, people saying or hearing the "exact" same words. Add to that, several people have experiences where the MLC spouse wants to remain BFF's and the MLC spouse presents an attitude that supports this in the early move-out time frame. What causes me much grief is that each situation is the same, but different. It's as if the similarities on the entrance into MLC stop once they move out, but the stories still play out the same as if the MLC-er always feels they need to return home if only to apologize.

I struggle with this because I'm a bit angry still, but working on that. Every time she's apologized for anything she's done over the past two years, she's always followed up with:

"ILYBINILWY"
"It's not you, it's me."
"We grew a part"
"He / She 's just a friend."
"I haven't been happy for XX years."
"I deserve to be happy."
"I'm not getting any younger"
"I forgot who I was"

The part that gets me angry is the anticipation that I might be hearing another apology and I just don't have much faith in the person that I feel has betrayed my trust. I know it's what I have to get over. I'm not here because I hate my W, I'm here because I haven't given up yet. I'm just afraid my story will be like so many others here in the forums that have finally moved on with their lives and along comes MLC spouse looking to repent for past transgressions and it only seems to reopen old wounds that we don't want to revisit.

I know my W is finally energized about something for the first time in a few years. She's fixing up her new place in order to get it ready to pack up what she can out of our house and move it out. She's applied for a new career, she's full of energy. I'm curious when it will all come together for her or if she'll even have the time to reflect. I'll keep looking into the GAL stuff, but I'm upset that I couldn't watch my kids play last night because of my game and my W wasn't there to watch them because she had no interest in the particular event and she had work on her home to do.

This hold pattern stinks. I want to create new memories, but I refuse to make physical changes until she's taken what she's going to take from her former life with me.