"My sister said that she thought the reason that some friends have become less supportive to me, is their fear the same marriage difficulties could happen to them. "
Oftentimes it's because they feel awkward and don't want to take sides. It's not that they are less supportive of you, they just don't understand. Until it happens to them and the first person they'll go to for help is you because you've been there. You wouldn't believe how many of my friend's marriages I've saved in my personal life.
One of my dear friends (who actually married H and I) bravely admitted that her first reaction after I emailed her the news, after the shock and disbelief, was fear. She said she went home and asked her H "Are we okay?" I think it's a combination of the fear you mentioned and the lack of understanding as Bond suggested.
Bond, I would definitely believe the number of people you've helped in real life. Anytime I see you've responded to someone, I'm reading that post. You're a real DB Treasure (tm)
Thank you Mr Bond. As usual your advice resonates true. My SIL said to me 'just do it- get the D'
I said its not that easy you don't know what it's like, she said well I'm different- I would have gotten a D a long time ago if it had been me.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
This might sound really silly but tonight I watched a movie called "We Bought a Zoo" with Matt Damon. Oh my word! I am an emotional wreck right now.
In this movie Matt Damon loses his wife to an illness and has two children with her. They move out of the city and onto this land that was formerly a zoo. Matt Damon's primary motive for moving out of the city is to stop being around all the things that remind him of his wife.
At one point in the movie he's explaining to a girl (Scarlet Johansen) the reasons that he purchased the land and moved to this place. And he realizes that no matter where he goes, his wife will always follow. The speech he gives at that moment just hit me so hard. He talks about how he just can't let her go.
Then they show him open his laptop and he starts clicking on all these pictures of him and her together and her with the kids. Wow. After the movie was over I had to get up and leave and literally just sob. I went into my kids' room where they're sleeping and just stared at them and sobbed.
To add on top of all of this... ever since the Bourne Identity came out (also with Matt Damon) I have always thought that if I were to compare my H to any actor, it would be him. Meaning same body type, mannerisms, looks... Matt Damon very much reminds me of my H and my H knows that too... I used to tell him all the time. In fact, all of those Bourne Identity movies were some of H's favorite movies. We were actually pretty close to naming our S4 Bourne. Seriously.
So that made it so much worse.
The thing I hate the most, though, is that this story was so sweet because this man loved his W so much. In my situation, my M has been tainted so much. I have the same deep love for my H, except there's such a darkness to it all.
I think I need to stop watching movies. And to be honest, I rarely ever do watch them. Watching TV or anything that has to do with R's just isn't the same to me anymore. I can't enjoy it.
Sorry for all the sadness tonight.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
I completely understand. I know this could sound a bit extreme, but since this started with my M and H I found I couldn't watch certain movies or listen to certain music.
So I stopped. Up until today I still won't chose to watch anything emotional or romantic. I try to watch anything to keep my up or interested. So give me the hangover, bridesmaids, MI 4, Tower Heist, CSI, JOn Stwert..you get me. Dumb stuff, funny stuff, action stuff. It's all I can handle and to be honest I can watch knowing I will be able to escape for an hour or so, with nothing pulling at the heart for awhile.
We need support ALL of the time. Even in our downtime.
Take care of yourself.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
This might sound really silly but tonight I watched a movie called "We Bought a Zoo" with Matt Damon. Oh my word! I am an emotional wreck right now.
I saw this film with my S when it came out in the theater I can't remember if this was after H met GF or not. I think so. Anyway I was a sobbing disgusting mess inside the theater.
It's about grief and grief is the same during a divorce. Except when his W died they could have all the happy memories, whereas we're left with the hurt that they chose to leave. Even my teenage S cried a bit during the film.
Quote:
So I stopped. Up until today I still won't chose to watch anything emotional or romantic. I try to watch anything to keep my up or interested. So give me the hangover, bridesmaids, MI 4, Tower Heist, CSI, JOn Stwert..you get me. Dumb stuff, funny stuff, action stuff.
I did the same. it was a massive step for me to watch Bridget Jones the other day. One of my all time faves. I thought the zoo film was going to be happy feel good funny! And there I was ugly cry with snot on my chin LOL
