H has been talking to his dad everyday since Saturday. They are supposed to meet up on Saturday. H and I talked last night and he said his dad keeps saying he missed him and is excited about seeing him this weekend. (His dad has never said anything remotely close to that or even I love you) H is excited too, and admitted a little anxious and nervous.
I'm glad they are going to get together and catch up, and hopefully resolve their issues. H keeps saying everybody makes mistakes, they can't change the past, and they will just try to move on from here. Every time he says that I want to ask him why he doesn't offer me the same kindness? Why am I not allowed to make a mistake (and believe me, I've made plenty)? Why can't he see that no we can't change the past, but we can have an even better future? I'm angry and scared that I'm not getting that second chance. But I know I can't control what H does. And this doesn't change how I'm living my life right now. It just isn't feeling very good right now.
H's dad is on wife #3. He's the type to tell H to do whatever makes him happy, and then finance the set-up of his new place. I know how I'm feeling is based on fear of losing H for good. I'm working through it, and all kinds of stuff is coming up. DB has been so good for me. I'm really learning who I am.
I've been exploring some fears of my own and it has me exhausted. And I keep wanting to DO something, which is when i usually screw-up, big time.
I need to just be and that's difficult for me.
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why he doesn't offer me the same kindness? Why am I not allowed to make a mistake (and believe me, I've made plenty)? Why can't he see that no we can't change the past, but we can have an even better future? I'm angry and scared that I'm not getting that second chance.
Maybe he is just not in the way you want him to. Not according to your expectation or timeline.
I've had 2 people tell me in the last week that I need to let go of outcomes, drop my timeline and just sort of roll with the rhythm of what's happening. These people were talking about another situation in my life but it's true of me as a whole. If something isn't just right according to me, I get the itch to fix and I will stew until I do something, even if it breaks something else.
I so know this pattern in myself.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Maybe he is just not in the way you want him to. Not according to your expectation or timeline.
Yes, I keep feeling like I need to be DOING something. Never sure what though. I agree that this is probably my issue. Gotta let the expectations go. I was doing so good the last couple of weeks, too! It's funny...it's not even my dad and I'm probably more shaken up about than he is. SMH
Got to keep the focus on me. Not what he may or may not do.
roro and bug, you both sound like me. i just want this fixed and over with. i've been able to fix just about everything in my life, at one time or another, but i can't fix this!
i've found i have days of peace and days of anguish; days when i feel optimistic and days when all i can do is cry.
i ordered the book, "co-dependent no more" to see if i can glean some wisdom from it. i've read so many books, looking for the answer. i read everyone's posts on here.
i would like you both to fill me in on how you're keeping the focus off him and your R. i'm GAL all over the place but it's still on my mind when i do.
i need a time machine to take me into the future to when this is all settled and i'm happy again...
sorry for the hijack.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
roro and bug, you both sound like me. i just want this fixed and over with. i've been able to fix just about everything in my life, at one time or another, but i can't fix this!
i've found i have days of peace and days of anguish; days when i feel optimistic and days when all i can do is cry.
i ordered the book, "co-dependent no more" to see if i can glean some wisdom from it. i've read so many books, looking for the answer. i read everyone's posts on here.
i would like you both to fill me in on how you're keeping the focus off him and your R. i'm GAL all over the place but it's still on my mind when i do.
i need a time machine to take me into the future to when this is all settled and i'm happy again...
sorry for the hijack.
No worries about the hijack.
For me, it's just gotten easier. I don't think about every second of every day, or even every minute of every day. One day, I just didn't care to think about it as much. I needed to be thinking about ME.
You don't know how many times I wished for a time machine. Some days I still do. I haven't been GALing as much because of an injury, but I haven't been sitting around the house moping either. Most days my H sees a happier me.
SS, just keep going. That's all I can tell you. Don't stop GALing, don't stop learning about yourself and changing the things you don't like. KEEP GOING! It'll be worth it, I promise!
Roro, thanks for your kind words and encouragement. You are right and sound much stronger than I do. I will tell myself to do what RoRo would do. I really think that may help. I'm already feeling better! We have such a fine community of caring people on this bb!
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I takes time, ss. I still think about H at some time most days. My whole day is not filled with thoughts of him but he's there on the edges. It just doesn't make be sad like it used to. I do have sad times, lonely times but who doesn't?
Time, it takes time and working on it.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
you are getting a 2nd chance...he hasn't moved out, right?
and
maybe his dad, instead of telling him to do what makes him happy will counsel him to hold onto the good thing he has
maybe his dad will tell him how it took him 3 wives to learn this mistake and he doesn't want his son to do the same thing...to spare his own child the mistakes he has made
you are getting a 2nd chance...he hasn't moved out, right?
and
maybe his dad, instead of telling him to do what makes him happy will counsel him to hold onto the good thing he has
maybe his dad will tell him how it took him 3 wives to learn this mistake and he doesn't want his son to do the same thing...to spare his own child the mistakes he has made
do NOT put words into other people's mouths
hang in there
you can do it
you are doing great!!!
Thanks for the reminder not to mindread (or is it mouthread? LOL).
