I've been posting over at talkaboutmarriage forums but whilst those guys are great sometimes they aren't the most positive. My wife (Me:37, W:34, 3 years married, 7 years together, no kids) dropped the bomb on 18th may after a stupid (on my behalf) repeating argument we had been having about her family. At the start of May I thought we were doing well as a couple. We were trying for a family (even though she didn't want to she was doing it for me) so she had come off the long term injection, had lost loads of weight and was really happy. We had just been to a 3 michelin star restaurant and joked about how miserable the couple next to us were and life seemed good.
Then a few days later her period was late and she flipped out. She didn't want kids ever, she would have an abortion if she could but wouldn't as it was mine. Turned out to be a false alarm but she then said she wanted to see her family for a christening. I didn't really want to go so she said it would be ok if I stayed at home. I escalated it, threw it all back in her face (including the abortion comment) and we barely spoke for two weeks after. I decided to make the first move and prepared a nice dinner for friday night. She rang to say she was just going for a few drinks with work, so I said ok, I'll put dinner on later and she said no don't worry I'll come home.
Before I could even plate up she dropped the bomb, IDLY & we should separate. I paniced, I begged, I apologised, I got angry, I demanded she left immediately (I was not violent in any way and have never been but I was shouting). Eventually her dad who was on the phone at this point called the police and she was escorted away. I've since found out she stayed at some friends and she is now in a flat back in the city.
We spoke on the phone a few days later and she said she needed time to think. Two weeks later we met for coffee (I did not contact her in this time as she asked). I was really hopeful, had practically run to councilling to start sorting my issues out, lost loads of weight by being in the gym etc and then we started talking and she just vented at me for 2 hours solid.
The grass is greener without me, she feels young again, she has all these opportunities now she doesn't have to worry about me, I can never change, she will always have to worry about me and her family. A letter I wrote pointing out good times angered her (emotional blackmail). Things have always been slightly wrong. She can now work 12 hour days and is loving her job. We don't approach problems the same way. She wants to sell the house, draw a line under things and whilst there is no one else now (she got quite angry about this when I asked) and won't be for a long time (several reasons but she wouldn't tell me what they were) we should be allowed to move on and it shouldn't be bad. Lots of MLC sounding things. She demanded I apologised for making her leave even though she said she hadn't intended to return that night anyway. I listened, said I understood, apologised a lot, didn't defend myself even though she was really hurting me and said she had to do what she thought was right.
We then walked back to my car and had a really nice chat about how things were family-wise, work, as if nothing had actually happened at all! She thanked me for being so nice about it all and then hugged me goodbye. Yesterday, I left her a phone message with details of our cable TV online service so she can watch TV because she doesn't have one in her flat. She rang back but I missed it... I am absolutely in pieces. I've read DR cover to cover three times. I'm desperately trying to GAL, I'm learning to sail next week, I've been to shows, I'm as fit as I've been for 15 years. I've been contacting old friends. The thing is I can't focus at work at all though as all I can concentrate on is how to stay in touch with her once the house has gone. We don't have mutual friends, we work in different parts of town and I just don't think a 180 is going to work in this situation at all. She'll probably just take it as if I'm sulking or am happy about the situation. I desperately want to get our marriage back and build a better one. I'm just scared to contact her in case I annoy her. Can anyone give me some advice?
