Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Checking in,fellow DB'ers!

I've been working on my house, purging, painting, packing and cleaning (need another word for cleaning that starts with a p!). As the rooms are getting more sparse, it seems that reality is starting to set in a bit for h.

Through talking briefly to him about my pending house listing and my goals (big move on the horizon), h told me he was offered a severance package at work, why and that he couldn't take it. I listened and did not offer a solution (yea for not bing a fixer!) As he chose to move out, since he doesn't have dear old me to fall back on, he is seeing his financial picture for the first time... And the stress it comes with.

I get the feeling he is waiting for my move so he can just show up in the moving truck. Like I have to do all the prep work and he can just "decide" to come or not. I am trying to not put my feelings in this thought as it's imagined for right now.

Still no serving paperwork. I've stopped waiting, and he's stopped mentioning it.
He came over at 5 am this morning told me that i could lay with him on the couch, but "it didn't mean anything", so i said, "well f you, but that doesn't mean anything either, I don't need your scraps (like a bone you feed a dog)". He smiled and "no, come here" and moved to make room for me. He wanted to ml, and initiated.

He also brought up a comment I made yesterday on the phone to my friend about flirting with a convenient store worker...and seemed a bit turned on by that. Hmm. So apparently that's okay with people I have 3 minute exchanges with. I guess that makes me appear desirable to him because others desire me. Come to think about it, when I met him, he made a comment about how he had to chase all the boys away, so I took that as he didn't want me to be flirty,,but looking back, it does seem he liked the idea of him being alpha male.

Physically and mentally I'm starting to be more like I was back then, which I prefer more anyway but I need to get back on my diet, exercising on a daily basis to make it a habit.

So how to balance flirting with my need to make him feel secure (maybe security isn't what he wants).