They all stick to the same script! My xh said much the same sorts of things - wasn't sure he would end up with the OW, but he deserved to be happy. Check.
In so many cases they display the same pattern - frustrated career path [even if they have done well according to any objective measure] Check. messed up childhoodCheck. , and a rigid and un-self-reflective personalityCheck. . They cannot be wrongCheck. , and if life hasn't delivered what it 'should' they do not count their blessings, but look for someone to blame. Check.
There is no distinction in being the OW - if it wasn't that one it would be someone else. They are the focus of what they believe they want out of life, and the escape hatch, and a load of other total bs. Check.
I have been popping over here a little bit from newcomer land because my H (though not yet 30) seems to be expressing many of the same MLC script patterns. Thank you for your wise words.
Wendy I don't really have any advice (you come across as much wiser than I am) but you have my respect for how you are handling this situation.
I got some books I ordered today in the mail. Didn't sit down and read, too busy. But I flipped open "The Sociopath Next Door" and was rewarded with some enlightenment.
It was in the chapter on how to know you are dealing with a sociopath. The author believes the greatest weapon of the sociopath is gaining pity. That pity gives carte blanche to them.
And boy did that help me. Because I know my pity is where I always let people take advantage of me. I had some dealing with a genuine nut job a few years ago. She was being horrible and getting away with it because she had led a bunch of people to believe her husbands cancer had come back.
I later learned he was still in remission, and he was suprised to hear that anyone thought he was sick.
But pity is how OW became my friend. Poor, poor her, the other wives are mean to her. Poor, poor her, her H works all the time. Poor, poor her, she is so shy.
And pity is why I don't set better boundaries with my STBXH. So I am going to wash some dogs, floors and my car and think about that.
And Verab the more you read these threads the more you learn. I will try to go read your thread. I'm slammed right now, but like to read a little every day. Trying to keep up with my internet friends.
I also wanted to share that I got another boost as an artist. I have been asked to teach an all-day Indigo class at a retreat being held in Kona this coming February. What an honor.
The lady holding the retreat is pretty famous in the quilting world. I held an indigo class in her honor when she taught here and she thinks I should write a book. She has written several.
Kona is over on the Big Island, the one with black sand beaches and the volcano......
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Take the womans advise and start writing. Especially since she written several maybe she will write the introduction for you. Dont worry about if it will be published.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Wendy, I'm glad to read that you are going to teach an Indigo class on Kona. Going to Kona will give you a brief period of relaxation and a chance to meet new people and make new friends.
I remember flying in to Kona and thinking that the island was divided in half, i.e., one side was dark and sparse and the other side was lush. I enjoyed my time there and thank goodness the volcano was quiet during my visit. The people are wonderful there as well.
What type of book does she think you should write?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Too funny Snodderly! I rushed right over and got as close to the active volcano as I could both times I went there......
She thinks I should write a book about the mechanics of doing Shibori. I have figured out how to recreate some stuff that Shibori books list as: Process Unknown. Heck to me that is a challange!
I am teaching a class today. People should be arriving in a few minutes. I love having the ladies over to create!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
My class went well. I have been so darn busy here lately. This GAl stuff is exhausting.
Made it out on the Standup Paddleboard with my BFF today. Yesterday was her first day back in the water since her surgery. She was happy. She did great today on the SUP.
I headed out into the harbor and saw a big Manta Ray jump out of the water twice. The second time I went out it peeked up beside me then popped up beside a young woman and her little daughter who were sitting on a SUP. There was a large school of little fish nearby. The manta was probably snacking. It was one of the coolest things I've seen in awhile.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
In case anyone wonders, the cat has been acting funny. I can't put a finger on it. But acting funny.
I am supposed to get the papers from the L this week. And it is stressing me out. Since at this point I am just doing it all for him, and in my view making this a zipless you-know-what.
He got a little cross with me in front of the kids. He complained that I was planning on buying an electric car. And I looked him in the eye and told him I wasn't buying it tomorrow, but when we were done. And then I told him it was because I need to figure out what was best for me in the long run.
Hawaii has a tax credit of up to $4,500 and has free charging stations going in all over the place. At $4.35 a gallon here in Hawaii, fuel costs are going to be a budget breaker for me. And we file separate if we divorce this year, and it will show more income in my side, because it will be 50/50 for the first part of the year. So to get a tax credit, you have to have paid the taxes. The federal electric car tax credit is given to the car dealer and then supposidly they pass it on to you.
I have been really tired. Having the same symptoms that sent me to the doctor a few years ago when they figured out I have dyastolic dysfunction. (Mild heart failure) I went in to my regular doc and he told me my swollen legs aren't a problem, because it isn't pitting.
Well, it never did before. And I can't tell if this is just anxiety, or maybe something is getting worse. And the doc thinks I just need to get divorced and move on and I will feel better. I am pretty sure anxiety doesn't cause swollen legs and hands.
But what do I know? I told 6 different doctors over the course of 15 years that I thought something was wrong with my heart. I could walk miles on flat ground, but the minute I did stairs or hills I would run out of breath. Why is it so heard to get them to listen?
I did actually tell my doctor who finally ordered the echo-cardiogram where they discovered my heart problem: "I told you I was sick."
Oh well!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Are you taking CoQ10? D-ribose? Two supplements helpful for heart failure. Especially if you're on any statin drugs for cholesterol (which can cause CoQ10 deficiency, which leads to muscle weakness - and since the heart is a MUSCLE, can cause heart failure!)
As for the edema - what's your thyroid status? And could you have any food sensitivities? I used to get edema in my legs that I blamed on my hypothyroidism - but I would still get it even when my thyroid seemed to be well replaced. Once I went gluten-free - it's much better.
Hey KML! I'm taking CoQ10. I don't have a cholesterol problem. I have damage to the left ventricle muscle from having an un-noticed heart attack. Best guess isit was at the birth of mt second child. I had toxemia, was given Mag-Sulfate and thought I was dead that night/morning. So while they were worring about me stroking out I had a small heart attack.
I take something called mycardis. And lasik. AND I have been on thyroid medicine for hypo-thyroid for 10 years now. And I just don't think they get my dose right.
So maybe it is time for me to try a gluten-free diet. Because it couldn't hurt to try that. I swing 4 or 5 pounds up or down daily. That is impossible from the amount of calories I am eating. But it could be water weight! And it just makes me bone tired!
Thanks and Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
