Hi MrBond. You are right. Mind-reading is not helping anyone.
Today is the first time I've felt even the tiniest bit of optimism and motivation since this has started.
The husband went out this evening to help a friend build a computer. I did not feel the need to pressure, talk about the relationship, or be the old sophiedaphne I used to be. I walked through the door with maybe only a half smile on my face, but that's better than normal.
When my husband went out, I opened up a recipe book and tried something new. I didn't quite get to finish it, but it felt nice figuring out what I wanted to make and getting it all together.
I had my conversation with Chuck this evening. I think he gave me really good suggestions. Naturally, I am a little bit skeptical, and it was a bit of an eye-opener for me, but I think I have a clear focus now. Maybe not clear, but an idea as to where to start. Thank you, Chuck! I am going to schedule my next conversation for two weeks from now, and I think I will probably end up paying for another three sessions. I'll see how I progress in the next few weeks.
After I finished with Chuck, I went over to a friend's house. This was really the first time meeting with this friend. We had arbitrarily met her in a CVS one day, because she was applying for a similar visa to the one that I was applying for. She has a fiance, (I think, maybe they are married?) and she had tried a few times to get us to go out with her, but we're both so introverted and shy that we put it off. This was the perfect opportunity to spend some time with them. I had such a wonderful time, just talking and socializing with someone DIFFERENT! They gave me such wonderful advice, which I may or may not take, but they opened up to me so much and opened up their home to me and gave me cake. I feel really fortunate to have met this couple during this time in my life. I was there for hours, just talking. They put a lot of things into perspective.
When I got home, husband was sleeping. I was as quiet as I could be. I picked up the recipe book and started looking through it again, getting excited for new things that I could make. I was genuinely happy when I walked through the door, and wish he could have seen that.
Then, to make things ever more lovely and happy, a friend from the past posted a random comment on facebook, so I commented on it with an inside joke from when we studied together in Italy. She instantly messaged me and said that she was going to Australia for a year in September, and wanted to know where to live. I told her about what was going on, and she said, "Why don't you come and live with us?" and I was like... Wow. I mean, if things don't work out, this is the perfect adventure for a year to do something different. She already forwarded me all of the information. Just thinking about the possibilities and planning it can make me feel exhilarated.
Tomorrow, I am calling the animal shelter and the hospital, which are close by, to see if they need volunteers. I certainly feel motivated right now. I can't believe how quickly things can turn around. I mean, none of this is set in stone, and ultimately I would still like for my marriage to work out.
I can't wait to finish my recipe tomorrow. I'm also really nervous for marriage counseling. But I am going to go into it with the advice that I've gotten (validate! listen!) and with the words that Chuck gave me to think about.
