Grace, Love, Compassion, & Faith - Looks Like What

[JustStunned]

Val, I know you know this. I know your venting and probably by now this is all past. Still if you’re not or someone else can gain from reading this:

I'll just be playing into her control if I respond in any way in a defending manner.

Yes, That is exactly what that is control, or an attempt at it. Best to ignore the bait rather than rise to it and get hooked into a destructive exchange.

it's a super hard line to walk and right now I'm frustrated.

Because I want to defend myself, I want to defend my character. I want to stop this kind of communication.

I still do not understand the why behind these parting shots. I experienced the same type of thing as my sitch progressed. IMO and I know I am mind reading here she is venting her frustration over her lack of control here, poking with a sharpened stick attempting to get a reaction from you. It is button pushing. It is a probe designed to gather a reaction. Do not engage. Let it pass. The less you have to communicate about the less of these communications you’ll have.

I'm tired of ignoring her emails and such. I'd rather just say "hey.. figure it out!"

Why do I have to be the one to teach her these things? The marriage is over so why bother working so hard on this dynamic now?[/quote

You don’t, it is not your place to teach her anything. She may learn about grace under fire by observing your actions under stress. That is hers to own, not yours to teach.

[quote]Well if this was with another person, I would say that I'm more than happy to hear their fears and talk.. but that I won't be talked to in a passive aggressive way?

Moving forward you won’t engage in the co-de behaviors and you’ll set better boundaries.

Like water off a ducks back, or as if you are secure in a strong home while a storm rages outside let her rage while you let it go and find your peace.