When H got home from work, I tried to apply some communication techniques mentioned here. He asked a number of questions about the deck, but they were too specific, like, "Did they put on the shingles today?" and there wasn't a good way to turn it back to him. There were a couple miscellaneous questions that I declined answering, either claiming I didn't know, or stating that I had already answered and didn't have a better answer than the one I already gave him. I wasn't being vindictive, just very intentionally doing something different than what I normally would do.
I was able to shut down one potential conflict almost immediately. It was about the sprinkler system, ironically. Last night, I walked away from a conversation with him where he was firmly defending his position that he thought it was perfectly reasonable for him to let me manage/fix it. So tonight, as I was tweaking a few connections, he approached me and broached the topic again. I couldn't really walk away since I was elbow-deep in mud, but I basically told him that he made his position perfectly clear last night, that I didn't feel we needed to discuss it anymore, and that I'd like to move on. He walked away and went to run some errands.
It worked great for me, because after I finished my 10-minute task, I was able to visit with the neighbors for a bit, whereas normally, I would have spent the time arguing with him, ultimately walking away feeling frustrated and angry. I accept the fact that he's comfortable with his position, and I'm grateful that I have the ability to manage it myself. I'll just treat myself to a mani/pedi for the hard work I'm doing. Besides, THOSE people know how to treat me like a lady, even if I do have to pay for it.
Tonight didn't bring me closer to H, but it did make for a better night for me otherwise. Can I consider that a positive baby step?
