Grace, Love, Compassion, & Faith - Looks Like What

[Valeska19]

Thanks JS. I am a better person in alot of ways.

I still struggle with letting things rolling off my back or sticking up for myself.

Here's an example - Warning - Venting:

I've had a few email exchanges with my w in regards to different things. I'm really trying to grow in the right ways but I constantly fight this urge to set a new boundary.

In my last thread I mentioned that I thanked her for the health insurance option she texted me when I said how I would move forward with my medical insurance.

She thanked me and included this:
Also, thanks, I got both your checks and was able to deposit them at the same time. One less thing to do is appreciated.

And I bit my tongue. I wanted to defended myself because the only reason I stopped sending both checks together is that she was clearly holding my insurance checks.

But I thought.. this is moot and talked myself out of it.

I also forwarded her an email from our tax person (he forgot to CC her). Her response to it was asking me a question that she should be asking him. I ignored it and she got the hint and finally emailed him.

Today - I sent her an email saying that I would be taking my car off our car insurance policy. (This is something that she has been asking me to do for months).

Her response:

Thanks for the update.. You'll include your renters on that too right?
Have you heard anything from x about the taxes being completed?

And I know I'm reacting right now... because I feel like she is being a jerk to me...

... and what I want to do is email her back with "Nah.. I thought I would let you pay for it :P".

There is a part of me that's says that it was always this way in my marriage and will continue to be the same until I change it.

But then there is another part of me that says... I'll just be playing into her control if I respond in any way in a defending manner.

And it's a super hard line to walk and right now I'm frustrated.

Because I want to defend myself, I want to defend my character. I want to stop this kind of communication.

I'm tired of ignoring her emails and such. I'd rather just say "hey.. figure it out!"

Why do I have to be the one to teach her these things? The marriage is over so why bother working so hard on this dynamic now?

I know I know.. so I can have better R's in the future. Well if this was with another person, I would say that I'm more than happy to hear their fears and talk.. but that I won't be talked to in a passive aggressive way?

Blaaahh!