I have to keep this brief because I'm out of town I get what you are saying and doing. But your son is right, you are angry. Know what? It is ok to feel like that. It is not ok to act out on those feelings in many cases. Your son is very astute though. Some things you have no control of. Some, like being friends with your ex you do. Mine tried that. I wasn't fooled. I wasnt interested after her choices. Not something I can do. i have friends that have been in similar situations that did remain friends with their exes. It can be done.
As for others? You will be surprised what they really think. And you will be surorised how little you care later knowing you did what you could in all instances.
Since you know you have limited capability and time, focus on the things you can control and that are important. The rest will work itself out and become known when it needs to be.
Your kids need you to show them the way. Figure out what that means in your life and for their sake. you will be glad you did and so will they.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."